How quickly should you date after going through a difficult breakup? That depends on how much hurt you feel and if the breakup was peaceful or bitter. Being a therapist for over twenty-five years, I recommend that you take the time to reflect on the loss of your previous relationship and take the necessary steps to take care of yourself first before dating. Getting yourself back in balance requires some time.
Too often, the jilted lover jumps into the arms of a new lover without learning from past mistakes. Their intention may be to find immediate comfort for themselves; however, they may be entering the new relationship with a lot of unresolved issues. Sadly, I have encounter single men and women who have jumped the gun and got into a new relationship right after a breakup, bemoaning the trials and tribulation of their new relationship! So how can you align yourself with finding a great new partner?
Taking the time to reflect on:
- What did you learn about yourself through your former relationship?
- What would you have done differently if you had to do it over again?
- What lifestyle do you want for yourself now?
There are immensely valuable lessons to learn from any break-up, whether it’s a partnership, marriage, or parting of the ways with a best friend. Each relationship tells us something more about ourselves. We learn more about how we cope or how we get ourselves in trouble. Too often, the early warning signs of trouble in our significant relationship are ignored! How often do you hear from the wounded souls that they noticed warning signs about that person, but blew it off as just their imagination?
We often see our friends showing signs of distress after a long and painful break-up. When children or pets are involved, coping with necessary lifestyle changes may take some time. Therefore, give yourself enough time to heal from a broken heart and then learn the valuable lessons tucked inside this life-altering event. If necessary, get therapy, attend support groups and gain a strategy to help you attract a healthy relationship for your future.
- Release the emotional blocks standing in the way of creating a life you love. Learn the life lessons that going through a break-up has offered you and move on. Be thankful for this experience, because the insights you gained are a huge gift that allows you to create a better life from this day forward!
- Gratitude is the highest emotional state we can live in. Practice finding 3-5 things that you are grateful for every morning when you wake up in the morning, and 3-5 things you are grateful for that happened during the day right before you go to sleep. Write them down on a piece of paper. Let all the feelings of gratitude fill your entire body with light and joy. Take 5 minutes a day to experience little to no thought. Some easy ways to accomplish this is through the observation of nature such as: watching the sunrise rise in the morning or set in the evening. Take in the beauty and wonder of watching a bird fly, listening to a cat purr, hug a baby or smelling a beautiful flower. Clearing your mind of clutter and practising gratitude are some of the easiest and best practices you can do to renew your spirit.
- Feel the exhalation that creating a better life brings you. Feel the power in being single again such as; making your own decisions, standing on your own two feet, and calling your own shots. Release any resentment, blame, unfinished business or baggage that may be left over from your former relationship before you begin dating. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made, and forgive your ex as well. Learn from those mistakes. Ask yourself “what did I learn about myself while I was with that person”? Correct your own attitude and faults so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes with the next person.
After completing those things, what’s next in dating and finding true love?
Feel the exhalation that creating a better life brings. Feel the power in being single again such as; making your own decisions, standing on your own two feet, and calling your own shots.
Get very clear about what you want in a new relationship. Be specific and visualize a life with a wonderful new partner that makes you feel really excited about life. In your mind’s eye, see yourself walking hand-in-hand with your new love. Then release these thoughts and visions, and continue to enjoy the magic moments that are showing up in your daily life.
Go online and be ready to meet someone special to date. Begin to attend single events or join some social activity that feels like fun to you. Ease into getting out there by participating in a singles’ world. Take precautions to stay safe. Put safeguards in place before accepting dates with someone you don’t know. Then, consider dating as your next great adventure! Share your dating experiences with a trusted and uplifting friend. It also helps to get honest feedback and good advice from a person who has your best interest at heart.
Jo Ann is an effervescent, ever curious licensed psychotherapist, soulmate coach and educator who leads, inspires and enlightens. For over twenty-five years, she has compelled individuals to break through limiting beliefs and lead joy-filled lives. She was a touring member of the Serendipity Singers, a popular ‘60’s’ folk group, and has appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show, The Tonight Show and other top international TV programs. She provides empowerment strategies for individuals and businesses throughout the world. Today she lives happily with her husband and family in Orlando, Florida.
For more information see: http://SoulMateCoach.net
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