Breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes, breaking up is an absolute necessity if you want to move forward with your life goals. You probably didn’t anticipate a breakup when you first got involved with your now former partner. However, things have changed and you realize that you need to let go of the person who you had once hoped to build your life with. When you are ready to move on from a past relationship, it is important to abandon as much of your past connection as you possibly can. If your ex is having a tougher time letting go of your past than you are, then you need to establish boundaries for yourself as well as for your ex. Here’s how you can do that:
Make It Clear That Distance Is A Must
The first step in letting go of a former relationship is making it clear to your ex about what your expectations are with regards to communicating with each other. If you have a child together, then you obviously need to display civility towards each other for the well-being of your child. However, if there are no children involved in the relationship, and you don’t work together, then there is little need to stay in touch with each other. You need to enforce your desire for distance, and you might also need to enforce it with your mutual friends as well. The last thing that you probably want is your ex making your friends feel uncomfortable. Have a discussion with your former partner about who should have “custody” of your friends and why. There’s often very little legitimate reason why your ex should still seek out your friends who you have had since before the relationship went bust.
Be Discreet About What You Share
Your friends have the right to be associated with whoever they choose, but you should be very careful about how much information you share with your friends who have chosen to stay friendly with your ex. Someone who I used to date still keeps in touch with friends and business contacts of mine who he only met a few times through his relationship with me. Needless to say, I find it strange that someone who I haven’t been connected to for years would still be trying to stay connected with my friends! There might be many reasons why your ex doesn’t want to sever ties to your loved ones, but you can take steps to protect your privacy from your former flame. Be discreet about what you post on social media. Even though social media offers wonderful ways to stay connected, an ex who is stalking you could use the information you post to learn more about your life than you’d like him or her to know about you.
Share Information in A Safe Space
Posting little to nothing online about your love life is a good idea if you don’t want your exes to be in the know about every intimate detail about your personal life. Resist the urge to share all of those pictures of you and your new partner attending concerts and other social events together, even if you badly want to show off the pics to your friends. Instead, invite your friends over to your place to show them your pics privately and in person while you have private conversations with them. Using emails and text messages to discuss your personal life with your friends could backfire on you because you there’s nothing to stop your ex from hacking into your emails if he or she is good with technology tampering. If you feel you need to block your ex on social media so that you avoid spying on him or her, then do that as well. It’s difficult to move forward into a new situation if you’re still wondering what your past love is up to.
Create New Patterns
You need to take a decisive step towards changing your old relationship patters and creating healthier new patterns. The dynamic between you and your ex is going to have to change, and you can’t continue to give into the same types of habits that you’re both familiar with if you really want to move forward. For instance, you need to let your ex know that you no longer have an open door policy where they are concerned. You’re not their therapist, social worker, and clergy who they can share all of their problems and concerns with. You are an ex, and they need to build new bonds with new people.
Even if you still care about your ex, you need to detach yourself from the situation and create new patterns. When your ex tries to reach out to you directly or through your loved ones, politely but firmly make it clear that you need to distance yourself and won’t be engaging in communication like you did before. Return any gifts your ex sent to you if necessary, or, donate them to a charity organization. Refuse to loan your ex money, cook their favourite meals, or do anything that you used to do when you were together. You don’t need to be insulting towards your ex, but you’re not responsible for your ex’s feelings, and it’s perfectly fine to let him or her know that you feel differently and your needs must come first now. Just be the bigger person and extricate yourself from the relationship by vowing to learn from the past, and focusing on the future.
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