Oral Sex – To Swallow Or Not

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Question: I’ve been married for twenty years and been together twenty-three.  My husband and I are just in our early 40’s, so we got married when we were still pretty young and “adventurous” and have continued with a great sex life.  During our entire relationship I have always been a “catch & spit” kind of girl.  Over the years my husband has mentioned swallowing always in a joking manner and always adding it didn’t matter to him either way.  I have just, within the last year, tried swallowing a couple times but…can’t get with it!!   Does it really matter to most men?  And if so, why? …Jessica
Answer: “To spit or not to spit, that is the question”…and a good one, at that.  Many women have been faced with the dilemma of not knowing what to “do” with a mouthful of goo.  And to be fair, there is no one “right” answer.  I will, however, try to elaborate a bit on the subject and explore why this issue regularly rears its ugly head (no pun intended) in male/female relationships.

First it must be said that while oral sex is quite common a practice in society today, there are still people, both women and men, who adhere to a diet that does not include the “fruit of our loins.” In fact, it appears that women in general fall into four categories: 1) Those who don’t engage in oral sex; 2) Those who do, but remove “Mr. Happy” before he reaches the pinnacle of his enthusiasm; 3) Those who “go the distance,” but expel their partner’s deposit before it can accrue any interest; and 4) Those who ingest their special someone’s love liquid.  And which category a woman falls into can often change from time to time and partner to partner.  And frankly, if you fall into any of the latter three categories, you’ll probably never hear us complain, because we’re just pleased as punch to be getting a little “face time.”

But now to the question: Does your swallowing our DNA really matter to us…and why?  Quite frankly, for most men, I believe it is more a matter of attitude and less of consumption.  If you “get rid of” our semen shooter by sexily dribbling it onto our body (or even better, your own) and then rubbing the sticky sap over any conveniently exposed flesh, most guys will be in heaven, and all thoughts of swallowing will be quickly forgotten.  If, on the other hand, you convulsively spit out our stuff as if it were dry cleaning fluid, we’re likely to be a little put off.  And while some guys may look at your swallowing their sperm as an unconditional acceptance of them, most men simply don’t want to feel like you’re completely grossed-out by their emission.  We want to believe that you’re fond of our ejaculate, because we consider it a close, personal friend, and we like our friends to get along.  The bottom line is: We appreciate it when you swallow because we believe it shows you like us, sperm and all, and your willingness to engage in this behavior demonstrates a sexual openness that we find enormously appealing.

The most important thing to remember on this subject, however, is that men realize that you may not share our enthusiasm for our semen, and once it leaves our body and enters any part of yours, our jurisdiction ceases, and your rule-of-law applies.  So while we might like you to accommodate our desire to savor our seed, it is hardly a deal-breaker.  We understand that the final destination of our sperm is often beyond our control.  We’re just ecstatic that it occasionally has a chance to be out and about.  And that’s a truth that I hope you’ll have no trouble swallowing.

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David M. Matthews has always been a keen observer of human behavior. As such, his advice has long been highly prized by others. "All my life, female friends, relatives, co-workers, and even strangers I met in line at Target, have solicited my advice on relationships," says David. "Mostly, these women were baffled by how men behaved. So I found myself regularly giving impromptu tutorials on 'how men think.'" It was this universal angst and frustration that motivated him to write "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think." In his book, as well as his interviews, relationship columns, call-in radio advice show appearances, and one-on-one coaching, David tackles the questions of male/female relationships in a straight-forward, but compassionate way

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