Is Your Hot Lesbian Summer Crush Doomed?

is your hot lesbian crush doomed
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Summer time is crush time. And if you’re a single lesbian, summer is when things get stirred up and the action can get hot. You have the chance to meet lots of single women at festivals, t-dances, Ptown events and more. Women are traveling and willing to engage in a casual hook-up at a festival or event that is away from home.

The list of things to do that are lesbian only events can get pretty intense and it’s your chance to meet a hottie for a quickie right? And then what happens?

I’ve had numerous conversations with other women who’ve been crushing on someone this summer and don’t know what to do.

Are You Wondering About Your Summer Crush Now That Fall Is Here? 

You’re crushing out on that cute butch or hot femme and running movies in your head about how you can make it work long term and how amazing it will be.

This was my summer for a crush on a hot butch who wasn’t really available but she was open to a couple of dates and um… other stuff.

Still I totally crushed on this woman. She surprised me when she showed up and she wasn’t what I thought I was looking for but she certainly lit my fire. She was smart, a little sarcastic but not over the top, funny, full of energy and brilliant.

We went out a couple of times and they were the best dates I’ve ever been on. I mean fun from the minute we met to the end of the night. And what’s not fun about exchanging hot kisses in a parking lot after a great date!

Since I’m a slow mover about sex, no we didn’t go there. But it was the hottest fun I’ve had in a long time with a member of my tribe. As it turned out, I’m glad we didn’t do the jump into bed for casual sex routine because that’s not me and it would have made the end of this crush even harder.

Yes, that’s right… the rubber hit the road, I had to get in my van and drive away; that hot lesbian I was crushing on wasn’t interested in me that way.

How about you? Did you meet someone who really sparked your interest but then she went cold.  Maybe she said you’re not my type actually, or you’re too old, too young, too tall, too short, live too far away, are on a different path or whatever she says to you that is telling you she’s not in this to win you over and spend her life with you.  Yeah, OUCH!!

It’s the old story. It was fun but she’s not available to be yours. It’s not a match for her and that means it not a match for you.

What Do You Do When Your Summer Crush Isn’t In To You?

So you’re now crushed; a bit or a lot heart broken.

How do you pick up your heart and move on?

Here’s my recipe for Healing from A Doomed Summer Crush!

1. Stop resisting her saying no to you.

Stop trying to talk her into changing her mind. Stop trying to change the story so that you get to have her in some way. Accept what is.

Yes it might take you two or three conversations or emails to say your piece but you have to respect that she doesn’t feel the “love.”

When you stop resisting you can start the healing and letting go process.

2. Stop running the movies in your head about her. Stop replaying the kissing scene in the parking lot or the sex in the hallway or the crazy falling down on the floor “take me” sex that gets you hotter than anything you can remember just to think about it. STOP!!!

This is probably the hardest part because you have so much emotion attached to the images in your head and how they make you feel.

Your body reacts each time you replay the scenes of the time you spent with her. That activates your attachment hormones, turns you on again and you need to stop that. (Yes, this is science and it works!)

The thing that really helped me step out of the obsessive replaying of those parking lots kisses is my meditation practice.


Yes! Meditation helps me be more aware of my mind’s tendency to be a bit obsessive or even a lot obsessive, especially after being sexually stimulated.


And if you had full on sex with your crush I know you’re hurting and it’s probably going to take you some focused time to let go and move on.  But with clear focus on letting go, you can move on pretty quickly.

3. Set your intention to heal, release her, forgive her and call your heart back to yourself.


Here’s the thing, we are all energy. We are all spiritual beings with an energetic vibration. When we connect with someone sexually, we create an energetic connection. Not only do you in a sense plug into that hot lesbian, you also leave a small piece of yourself with her and take a piece of her with you.


Think about it. It makes sense right and explains that feeling you have of being attached or of not being whole. It’s why sometimes you feel like you left a piece of yourself behind. You did. It’s that simple.


So take some time to focus and call your pieces back to yourself!


Here’s how:

  • Find a quiet place to sit without being disturbed.
  • Get comfortable.  Set the atmosphere. Perhaps light a candle or incense.
  • Close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a couple of minutes to bring yourself fully into the now and into your body.
  • Visualize yourself being connected to that hottie. See it like an extension cord that extends from you to here. Now see yourself reaching out and unplugging the cord from her.  Use your powerful imagination to see this with color, the sound of the cord unplugging, the feeling of pulling that extension cord back into yourself. Imagine it and feel it.
  • Finally use the power of words to speak and say, “I call my spirit and any of my energy that I left behind with “her name” back to myself. I call myself fully present right here and right now and I call every connection to “her name” broken and severed.
  • Ok don’t get all weird, this is a simple declaration and it works. Just do it. Your words are very powerful.
  • Another way to do this is in the bathtub. Fill it up, do the same things I’ve suggested above and as you pull the plug on your connection to your crush, pull the plug on the tub and visualize that connection going down the drain.

4. Now practice gratitude.



  • Here’s my gratitude practice about my summer crush – I’m so grateful for the experience. I’m so grateful for the feeling of connecting, for the laughter and the fun and for great dates. I’m so grateful for the wonderful experience of being sexual again even if short lived. I’ve still got it. I’m so grateful for the experience of connecting with a lesbian who is completely outside my regular type because now I know I like this type of woman too.
  • Chose to have no regrets (link:
  • Here’s your chance to turn this into a gift that helps you expand, open up and grow versus shut down, tighten and become resistant to love.


  • Finally, get busy in your life and your world. Get out with friends. Do things that make you happy. And trust that your crush actually isn’t the right woman for you.


Because that’s what you want right? The woman who is right for you, not just anyone and not just a hot summer crush. Cause if that crush doesn’t want you, don’t waste your time there.


Take your heart back and get back on track with your life.


If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try Singles Warehouse today!

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Mary G. Malia is The Gay Girl Dating Coach. As a consultant to Fortune 100 and 500 companies, she's helped executives groom themselves for success and now as a dating coach to smart and successful lesbians, she'll help you navigate a whole new way of dating in the age of technology. Working with Mary, you'll discover what you need to hone in on, focus on and what to ignore. Stop wasting your time and start dating for long lasting love and success.

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