What Guys Think When You Play Hard To Get by @swiperightdiary

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Let’s start with a question. Why do women play hard to get?Play Hard To Get

It seems to be drilled into our dating psyche that being available is the wrong thing to do and women should always play hard to get to attract their man.

Is This The Right Approach?

You have a first date, it goes well, you go for it and propose date two.  Then it happens… “I’m quite busy this week, how about next?” or “I’d love to see you again but I’m not sure when I’m free”.

What Guys Think When You Play Hard to Get:

  1. She says she wants to meet again, but isn’t available so maybe she’s just saying that rather than admitting she doesn’t see it going any further?  Dangers of pursuing further here are that you end up chasing the ball of string that doesn’t want to be caught.
  2. She may be genuinely busy, away on holiday, work commitments or maybe just re-arranging her wardrobe?  So you suck it up even though not ideal and agree on a date a few weeks in advance.  But you question how busy do you have to be to not find time for a drink?
  3. She’s a serial dater and two weeks time is her next free slot on the calendar?  Not a good sign to be Mr Two Weeks On Friday?
  4. She wants you to chase a little, the game is on. She will eventually relent and offer you some time.

Building attraction by pretending to be aloof, uninterested or ridiculously busy is a dangerous tactic.  It builds attraction solely around the chase rather than around you as a woman with values that are attractive to a guy.

What happens when the cat catches the ball of string?  If that’s all he’s attracted to – the chase – he quickly becomes bored and moves onto the next challenge.  Furthermore, the hard-to-get tactic can be massively misunderstood and for fear of being labelled a stalker, he takes the hint and moves on.

What’s More Attractive To Men?

A women that has high standards and isn’t afraid of communicating that.  She doesn’t create a fake challenge as she knows she has the values men look for and the guy has to raise his game to keep the momentum going.

You don’t have to be unavailable to be attractive.  We all live busy lives and someone who doesn’t give you the run around is a breath of fresh air.  Showing that you have standards and that you only give time to guys that respect you and invest time and energy in you is golden.

A guy wants to feel he’s got a girl that no other guy can get, not one he feels he has to chase and may never catch.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try Singles Warehouse today!

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James is a 35 year old executive and dating blogger based in London. Dating in the city has opened his eyes in ways he never imagined. Everything in his blog is based on real events. Single Gents, you are not alone, you have just as many interesting experiences and discussions as the Ladies. Like this article? Have a dilemma? Ask James http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/ask-james/

17 Comments

  • August 12, 2014

    Elli Raine

    Great advice! We’re so conditioned to think a man won’t be interested if you’re too available. But if you know what you want and you’re confident, I say go for it!

  • August 12, 2014

    James S.

    I think there is a massive difference between being “too keen” and “available”. Too keen would be bombarding a guy with texts 24/7 or suggesting dates every day of the week. Agreeing to one of his date options within say a week of date one doesn’t give the “too keen” message, it just shows you are interested in getting to know them more.

    No man wants to date a lady that’s always going to be too busy to date. If you give off that signal in the early stages you may be dismissed as just normally unavailable and uninterested in dating at all. You don’t have to agree to his first suggestion, but if you don’t, then you must suggest an alternative time.

    Don’t be “too busy” to date ladies, just play it cool and go with the flow and you will be rewarded :-).

  • August 18, 2014

    Lisa

    A woman of value does NOT need to play games. The same goes for a man! If only more people thought that way!!

    • August 18, 2014

      James S.

      I totally agree Lisa. If people spent less time playing games and more time on values, dating would be so much easier 🙂

  • August 18, 2014

    Meena Avery

    Unavailable doesn’t make anyone attractive–great point! But why is it that guys “seem” so much more interested in someone or something they can’t have? I’m not advocating for playing games or making up fake excuses, I’m just curious.

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      It’s that age old adage that you always want what you can’t have. Men are hunters by instinct; they like the hunt and the chase, but once she’s caught if there’s no substance then the game is over and he’s on to the next.

  • August 19, 2014

    Dr. Kat Smith

    These are great conversation starters for the sexes. One thing I think is scary is the checking in on social media which shows how available you are NOT! Also it lets the crazies know where you are if they want to find you. But watch out playing hard to get because it maybe a sign that you will be hard to love as well.

    • August 19, 2014

      James S.

      Exactly my point Kat, if you give of a sense that you are too busy to date, then that gives off the impression you are too busy for a relationship.
      It may be a bit of a game, but play it too hard and it can impact your chances with a guy.

  • August 19, 2014

    Vanessa V. Browne

    Communication is key and I think the earlier in it’s open and honest the better it is for the connection!

  • August 20, 2014

    Kevin Alexander

    Agreed, mate. The truth behind “playing hard to get” is the right advice used in the wrong way. When a person has a purpose in life, a path they’re following, and standards to coincide, they’ll *naturally* be “hard to get”. Unfortunately, there are a lot of cases where people are faking their busy life, and people who recognise it should respect themselves and look for someone who has a healthy life, and a healthy perspective on dating.

  • August 21, 2014

    Boston Single Girl

    Love this post! I don’t know why women still believe that playing games is the way to get a guy to stay. I have far too many female friends who are constantly playing games. If everyone was just real and open and honest from the get go, no games, then things would be a lot easier with a lot less bullshit! As a re-formed serial dater (for now anyway) I will admit that I used to have a spreadsheet of guys and would schedule the 1st dates or less interesting 2nd dates for breakfast or lunch, saving the dinner spots for more interesting guys. We’re ALL super busy, but if you can’t make time to date, then how will you ever have time for a significant other? You have to MAKE time!

    • August 21, 2014

      V. V. Browne

      I totally agree! But I might have to steal your spreadsheet idea.

      • August 22, 2014

        Boston Single Girl

        Steal away girl!! It really did come in handy! That and labeling them in my phone based on what site I met them on. Oh, and making notes in the contacts of my phone with things from the spreadsheet like where we had been on dates and what I have worn on those dates, LOL. I used to write on my calendar “Fri dinner 7pm Mike” and then Saturday usually had a breakfast, lunch and dinner date and same for Sunday! 😉

        • August 26, 2014

          James S.

          Wow, that’s a busy schedule 🙂 Maybe hire a PA?

  • August 21, 2014

    FanciPants

    Hence why younger guys always go for older women – no games!

  • August 23, 2014

    Debra Kunz

    Fantastic post! People (men too) play hard to get because they don’t know what else to ‘play.’ For many singles, following the advice to play a game seems easier than confidently being yourself and dating with standards. If you get rejected when you are playing a game, you must not be playing the game right. If you get rejected when you are truly being yourself and dating with standards, it just hurts. Of course, the only way to find a real relationship is to be yourself, without the games. I talk a lot about knowing yourself and creating standards in my dating book.

    • August 26, 2014

      James S.

      That’s true if you play the hard to get game or the serial dating game, then you never really emotionally invest in the dates. So when they don’t work out, you don’t really mind.
      I’m swaying towards the quality rather than quantity method though as I really don’t have to the time to date as a sport. I’m sure its great for some people but I’d rather just be myself and date ladies that I am genuinely interested in.
      I met one lady who freely admitted that she dated and slept with guys she wasn’t interested in. See more here. http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-diary/the-feminist-date/
      This surprised me a little, but I guess if you wish to fill time?