Why your girlfriends are probably giving you bad advice by @detroitdate

Why your girlfriends are probably giving you bad advice
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I know that other women will disagree with me on this subject.  The truth is ladies; most of us are inherently emotional creatures. Biologically we are just built that way. Women are always quick to offer their advice and opinion. Regardless of their experience or expertise, your best girlfriends, co-workers and yes even your mom can have you thinking that their insight is above reproach. Although they mean well and have your best interests at heart (or so you hope), sometimes your “go-to’s” are not the best sounding board for dating advice. When it comes to seeking advice from other women about dating, remember to take a few things into account before acting on their so called seasoned opinion.

  • Always trust your gut first.  You are your own best sounding board in regard to what you feel or think.
  • Consider the source.  This is someone who is personally involved in your dating life.  They are not exactly impartial.
  • Take their opinion as an opinion, not as fact.
  • Don’t immediately act on their advice.  Consider all sides before you jump the gun.

Who not to ask for advice? “Take it with a grain of salt” is the applicable saying that comes to mind here. The top three types of people to stay away form for advice: (Because we all have a friend or know someone likeWhy your girlfriends are probably giving you bad advice this).

1. A person who is currently unhappy about themselves or their relationship isn’t the best person to ask for relationship advice.

2. Any person who tends to be jealous or seems to compete with you.

3. The friend who doesn’t truly understand who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Who you should go to first: It should go without saying, but I will say it anyway. The person you are actually in that relationship with is the first person you should go to.  Communication is the foundation and often the cure for issues in relationships. Firstly, this is a sign of respect for your partner. It shows that you are invested in the relationship seriously. Whenever possible (I say always) take your emotions out of the equation and express where you are coming from, and what’s going on in your mind and heart. This is an exercise in trust and respect, and will strengthen your relationship.

Most often there are a few hot topics when it comes to unsolicited advice.

Don’t sleep with him right away- Your private parts= your decision. Only you and your current partner know what’s right for your relationship at any given time.

Dump him! Why? Based on her say so? Not only does she not know the intimate details of the relationship to make such a judgment call, you will appear to be easily controlled by her.  That’s a huge deal breaker for a lot of men.

Follow the rules.  I say fuck the rules!  Who defines these so-called rules anyway?  In actuality rules is just a way to class up the word ‘games’.  Case in point- If you’re interested in him, it’s okay to be the first one to reach out. If you had a great time on a first date, let him know. Don’t be the girl that sends 47 texts the next day, but say ‘thank you’ and express that you would like to see him again. Bam! Cards laid out.  Either he deals himself in or out. The easy and simplest way to avoid all of the bullshit is to be your authentic self, speak the truth and follow the flow of the relationship, as opposed to ‘rules’. Know what you want, what your deal breakers are and tell your friends to butt out until you solicit their advice.

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Lisa Schmidt is an expert dating advice writer, certified dating coach and matchmaker. She helps men and women to find and keep meaningful relationships through coaching; by providing an actionable strategy and defined road map for dating success. You can become a coaching or matchmaking client at Detroit Date Coach.

22 Comments

  • […]   I know that other women will disagree with me on this subject.  The truth is ladies; most of us are inherently emotional creatures. Biologically we are just built that way. Women are always quick to offer their advice and opinion. Regardless of their experience or expertise, your best girlfriends, co-workers and yes even your mom can have you thinking that their insight is above reproach. Although they mean well and have your best interests at heart (or so you hope), sometimes your “go-to’s” are not the best sounding board for dating advice. When it comes to seeking advice from other women about dating, remember to take a few things into account before acting on their so called seasoned opinion. READ THE REST HERE […]

  • August 18, 2014

    Alexandra

    Lisa, that is so true! I wrote something very similar about listening to girlfriends too much. You should always go with your heart.

  • August 18, 2014

    James S.

    Have to agree that asking friends for advice isn’t the best of ideas. Only you know what is right and are in full possession of the facts.

    I’ve dated a few ladies who have made some quite out of character decisions that could only have been the result of a friend giving advice on what she should do.

    Speak to your partner and decide between you, not with your friends.

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      I think this is something only women do, and to our discredit. Men don’t seem to do this, am I right?

  • August 18, 2014

    Lisa

    Right, James ?!? Making decisions based on an unbiased friend or relative is doom for a relationship. Women are inherently emotional and that is why they often defer to their emotional counterparts. It is the wrong person(s) to go to for validation.

  • August 18, 2014

    Meena Avery

    These are some great points, Lisa. I enjoy talking with my girlfriends about my dating life, but don’t make decisions based on their advice. None of them know the personal details and connection between my partner and I. If she tells me she’s genuinely worried about me, or notices some red flags, I’ll take that into consideration, but typically, my friends view of our relationship is through a very narrow lens. Trusting my gut always comes first and foremost! Great post!

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      Exactly! Our friends only know the very narrow view we give them.

  • August 18, 2014

    Lisa

    Meena, trusting your gut is imperative! The harsh reality is that unlike you and I, most women react to what their friends say – instead of letting the relationship and their partner be their guide.

  • August 19, 2014

    Dr. Kat Smith

    Yes, consider your girlfriend’s dating habits and success before you base any decisions on their advice. And we all know that jealousy can play a part in some advice. If you are having fun and they are not, then they maybe helping you sabotage a good thing.

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      I have absolutely experienced this, not just with friends, but with family members as well!

  • August 19, 2014

    Lisa

    Jealousy can play a huge issue, Kat!!

  • August 19, 2014

    Vanessa V. Browne

    I loved this article! I think if you’ve got or can find a guy friens to use as a sounding board you should. Guys are gonna give it to you straight and since they think like the creature you desire his words will be priceless.

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      I absolutely second this Vanessa!! I go to my guy friends about dating and relationship stuff way more than I do my female friends. Guys are much more black and white in their thinking and logic than we females tend to be, so it’s always a nice balance.

  • August 19, 2014

    Lisa

    Or they can just come talk to me, Vanessa. I will set them straight and give it to them tough love style. But yes, this is also why women need to have male friends to bounce thoughts off of.

  • August 20, 2014

    Elli Raine

    I’ve learned (unfortunately the hard way) which of my friends to seek advice from and on what. Sometimes you really just have to be confident in your own decisions. I’m a chronic advice-seeker but it got me to the point where I couldn’t trust my own instincts anymore, so I’m focusing more on my gut and what it says.

  • August 20, 2014

    Kevin Alexander

    Damn, girl. You got me all hot and bothered with this one, haha. But on a serious note, I agree in terms of both sexes. Dating advice (much like financial advice) is dished out and handled by those who aren’t wise in giving it. And women, in general, may also be out to sabotage one-another in the “advice” they give each other on dating.

  • August 20, 2014

    Lisa

    So true Kevin. Sadly, women are often competitive with other women. This translates into sabotage. Bro code needs to be taught in high school….to girls!

    • August 20, 2014

      Singles Warehouse

      Can you imagine that – “I’m just on my way to Bro Code 101″!

    • August 21, 2014

      Boston Single Girl

      I think Kevin should teach Bro Code 101 to girls and then we can elect a spokesperson to teach How to Be A Man to all boys. ;)

  • August 20, 2014

    Lisa

    “Can you help me with my bro code homework”?

  • August 21, 2014

    Boston Single Girl

    I love this post Lisa, and wrote something similar a while back. As women, we tend to seek advice from our female friends, but we also tend to sabotage each other. Why the fuck do we do this to each other?! I have learned that no matter how close you are to a female friend, how long you’ve known each other, hell, even if you’re family, we females are just out to get each other! Maybe this is why I’ve always had way more male friends than female haha. I can’t stand the drama and catty behavior of women. Choose who you go to for advice wisely and consider the source! Always!

  • August 21, 2014

    Lisa

    Yes!! Bro Code 101 for women by Professor Kevin.