Just be Yourself by @crushLoveDate

just be yourself
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“Just be yourself”.  It’s the token piece of advice given to every anxious dater. We think okay, sure , I’ll just be myself – no problem! But how many of us actually know what that means? I can’t count the number of hobbies I’ve acquired for the sake of settling. There was my UFC phase, puck bunny phase, rock climbing phase, party girl phase, groupie phase, when I became a fishing fanatic, and that time I decided to become vegan. You get the point; it’s exhausting trying to be someone your not!

The best thing that you can do when actually trying to find someone to be with is to find out who you are first.  Stop being a generic template and figure yourself out. Here are three things you must do before ever going on another date:

1. Investigate Your Interests

Get eclectic. Start sampling experiences from the diverse portfolio that is the world. You know that thing you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet? Sign up for it right now. You might not know what you like until you give yourself the chance to experience it.  Need some fire in your engine? Check out sites like Livingsocial, Groupon, and Pinterest.

Get Specific. Do you know how many people like to “travel”? According to the search I just did on Fling.com over 27,120 people in my city listed ‘travel’ as an interest. At 1 date / day that would take me 74 years to go out each of those people. Not sure about you but I’d like to find “The one” before the ripeness of 99 sets in. Let’s continue with travel as an example. What sort of travelling do you like? Are you ready to canoe alongside an Anaconda in the Amazon River or sip margaritas Oceanside in Riviera Maya. “Travel” means many things to different people as do “music”, “sports”, “outdoors”.. colors… words…

2. List Your Dreams

When we have dreams we have ambition. Ambition is one of the top qualities people seek in their partner.  This is your life take some time to really think about what you want from it.

Make a list of your dreams

Start by writing down as many answers to these questions as possible:

If I had unlimited time and unlimited money I would  ______________

If I were my ideal self I would be/have __________________

10 years from now I will be/have _____________________

3.Solidify Your Values

Compromising your values for someone else is the true way to sentencing your heart to a slow death.  Values are what make you feel like you are being “true to you” and genuine happiness. By conforming to another person’s values you are unknowingly compromising yourself, your happiness, and the success of the relationship.  Don’t judge the values of others though as that is their choice just align yourself with people who have similar values.

Make a List of Your Values

Circle the 10 Values of most importance to you. Take those 10 and give up 5 of them by crossing them out. These are your top 5 values don’t let anyone mess with that!

Achievement Independence Physical challenge
Personal Development Freedom Pleasure
Adventure Having a family Power and authority
Sophistication Helping other people Privacy
Creativity Knowledge Time freedom
Honesty Leadership Purity
Change and variety Stability Affection
Close relationships Wealth Self-Respect
Meaningful work Inner harmony Decisiveness
Excitement Integrity Religion
Nature Fame Intellectuality Reputation
Democracy Loyalty Security


Shift your thinking to finding the right person for you, rather than trying to become the right person for someone else, and everything else will follow. Not to mention you will have something unique to write about in your profile, a few new friends,  and interesting topics to discuss when you are going out on those dates!

crysh date

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Jessica Kohl is an Internet Dating Professional with an Honours BA in Rhetorical studies. She's behind the social media campaigns for 10 different online dating companies and provides perspective from both sides of the coin. Through personal experiences, professional knowledge, and in depth understanding of tactics of persuasion and para-language she is able to share unique insights with the dating universe.

1 Comment

  • March 24, 2014

    Singles Warehouse

    Being yourself is so important when dating – otherwise someone else is getting to know someone who isn’t you.

    What about anxiety – how do people overcome date anxiety?