The other day I was flicking through my twitter feed and I noticed a tweet from a well known, international woman’s magazine. The tweet concerned was raising the issue of domestic abuse, and asking the question “should jealousy be considered as domestic abuse” Now obviously, the type of jealousy being referred to here would be extreme jealousy, which is never OK, but what about a little bit? Is jealousy ever OK in a relationship?
Jealousy- Is it ever OK in a relationship?
Jealousy is probably one of the strongest human emotions, which we can all feel from time to time, but when it does rear its ugly, green head how much is too much? And how do we deal with it?
Firstly, it is fair to say that jealousy often stems from insecurity. In past relationships I have dealt with jealousy; both on my part and theirs, for many reasons, and on reflection the deeper issue was often to do with a feeling of inadequacy. We may get jealous of our partners co-worker because she’s tall and blonde, whereas you are a petite brunette, what you must remember is that your partner is with you and not them. Acting irrationally is not going to help, and may only push your partner further away. I’ve always been a big fan of communication in a relationship and sometimes the only way to help overcome your jealous behaviour is to talk with your partner regarding your insecurities. Although tread carefully because it is often the words used that can be the difference between a heart to heart and a blazing row. Accusatory language such as: “I hate it when you hang out with her” is likely to cause the latter. Instead try: “I feel (insert feeling) when you hang out with her because (insert reason)” that way it will feel less like you’re attacking them. Asking your partner to cease all behaviour that makes you jealous (such as talking to that pretty work colleague of his) is plain ridiculous; you both need to work on the issue, not the cause.
Do you have a Jealous partner?
What if you’re the one with a jealous partner? Remember I am talking about a little bit of the green eyed monster we all suffer from, from time to time. Not the completely controlling, destructive behaviour they want to be recognised as emotional abuse. Think more petty remarks and petulant strops, as opposed to banning you from talking to certain people and going through your emails and text messages. If your partner has expressed their insecurity, the worst think you can do is dismiss it. While you can’t be expected to stop talking to “attractive” colleagues, or going on a night out. You should at least listen to your partners feelings of insecurity; why do they feel that way? Has anything happened in the past, whether it be in your relationship, or an old one that has caused their worries? Taking your partners concerns into consideration will help the issue tenfold. It may be they just need reassurance. Whatever you do, do not dismiss or goad your partner further. This will make the issue worse.
Jealousy can be an extremely destructive trait in a relationship, but if two people are willing to talk and work through any jealousy issues that may arise, I do believe your relationship can come out stronger.
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