In the “real world” most people have a traditional sense of what dating should be. Boy meets girl. They date, fall in love, get married and have babies. The end. What if after a few years or a decade the husband decides that his life could use a little boost? He doesn’t wish to disturb his family life or hurt them, but he wants to feel desirable, appreciated and useful. He happens to have money. He joins a dating site or posts an ad looking for a sugar baby. They meet, she likes him, he likes her and they decide to see each other on a regular basis. They both know that this relationship will not be traditional, from the beginning. There is no jealousy or strings attached, because they both know there is no future. It is just fun. All of the good parts and forget the bad. That is what a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship is. As I define it specifically on my blog The Sugar Daddy Diaries:
A sugar relationship defined: Two people seeking each other out for a relationship that is well-defined by an arrangement that meets each other’s needs. It is an emotionally caring, mutually respectful and rewarding relationship; a relationship that may or may not involve physical intimacy, but should have chemistry and emotional intimacy at the forefront. A financial need or desire although part of the arrangement, should not be the majority factor. Starting to sound not so unlike like a traditional relationship, huh? To some degree, it is. Minus the perils and commitment that usually define traditional relationships, and their boundaries.
Defining Sugar Dating
The reason why Sugar Relationships work so well in so many ways that traditional relationships don’t, is the very upfront definition and honesty they begin with. By nature, they are set up to be more successful and rewarding than a traditional relationship. The main ingredients are surprisingly almost identical to a traditional relationship. Trust, companionship, real affection, genuine care and concern; even honesty and commitment.
Ultimately, it is an arrangement. This is not a happily ever after situation. I have found it to be some of the most truly engaging relationship experiences that I have ever had, despite their non-promise of “going anywhere”. There is an amazing freedom to be yourself, develop a bond and really grow as a person in a sugar relationship. If you are in it for more than just red bottom shoes and high-end handbags, you will walk away with great business advice, a life-long friend and maybe even a mentor.
So why do men have sugar affairs? There are several reasons, but the constant theme that I come across, especially now as a sugar matchmaker is; these men crave an escape from the every day. They want a woman who is engaging, intelligent and worldly to spoil and indulge as their release. I have seen in my own sugar relationships and have felt through conversations with many men, that for the most part they are lacking something. Whether married or single, most have focused on career for years and have let personal relationships suffer and/or fail. The married men have no desire to destroy their family with divorce, but they want something that is their very own. I suppose that one might call this a mid-life crisis. Secondary to that is their natural generosity. It is almost something that they cannot help. Most are quite involved in charity or mentoring programs within their communities also.
Believe it or not, a majority of men do not have these sugar affairs for the sex. There are those that come from sexless marriages that would want that of course, but by and large they want a woman who can hold a conversation and desires more out of life than a shopping spree. Moreover, their wives have just let go and lost attractiveness. She has become consumed with suburbia and forgotten how to make him feel desired, needed and heard. She stops trying and most of the time doesn’t even realize it.
If you had asked me early on in my life if I would date a married man, I would have said “No way in hell”! After my first sugar daddy arrangement with a married man, I totally understood why men cheat. It is almost painful to hear when he talks about his life. Maybe I am just a different breed of woman. One who doesn’t think it’s okay to stop trying to look good or keep the spice of love alive in a relationship. One who thinks that making time for intimacy despite career, children and obligations is not only needed but necessary to our very survival as a couple. If I’m in the minority, I choose to stay here.