It would be childish and frankly a big lie if we say that once in while, when things get a bit rocky with our current love, we don’t look back on what went wrong with our last relationship and throw the blame on our past lover. In a world where we carry not only baggage of everything that we screwed up in our past, but baggage of every relationship that screwed us over as well, I can’t help but wonder: Can a Past Relationship Affect a Present One?
Just how much Can a Past Relationship Affect a Present one?
Dating is always hard and occasionally awkward as well. As much as we love those jitters in our stomach from the excitement of starting to like someone, dating someone new is always tricky and weird. As if that is not enough, we have to endure the traumas that the past relationships left us. Whatever went wrong, however badly we got screwed over by ex boyfriends, lovers, husbands and so on, we will always remember and fear that it might happen again. I’ve had a pretty rocky relationship with Mat for more than three years where I was the other woman, for a long time. As much as I hate to admit it, this experience has changed me, and not in a good way. I came to a point where I would let myself get hurt over and over again instead of letting Mat go and would put up with anything he decided to put me through, just because I couldn’t imagine my life without him. It took me three years and a good friend, who said “If I had met you know, I wouldn’t recognize you” to come back to reality. And even though I am in a better place and just started dating again, I find myself afraid of the time of being cheated on at some point. It’s really ironic, how someone who spent so long cheating with me, makes me fear that someone will cheat on me. But as weird as this sounds, the minute I start liking someone I’m dating, I’m scared that I will end up being cheated on. Of course this is one specific example and everyone carries a different baggage from their past relationships, but the question is still the same: Will the baggage that we carry along inevitably doom our new relationships? Does it make up afraid of falling in love again?
Can we move on with our baggage?
Every single experience that we have lived through has inevitably changed us, for better or for worse and the sooner we admit this to ourselves the sooner we can move on. I can’t change what happened with Mat, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. And you can’t change your past relationships that screwed you over either. There will always be things that will scare us or hold us back in our relationships, but we can’t change who we are because we are scared. If I constantly feel that someone that I might have a relationship with is definitely going to cheat on me, then I will never commit to anyone. And the same goes for everyone, if we constantly let our past relationship traumas hold us back we will never have a successful new relationship. So just let the fears go, accept that of course there is a possibility that you will get screwed over again, but it’s not the end of the world. We’ll fall, we’ll get hurt but then we’ll get up and keep going, just like so many have done before us!
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