I’m comfortable with sex. I use it almost as a shield – relationship stuff scares me and is hard for me to deal with – but sex, that I can do. And I’m good at it, or so I’ve been told anyways. But, I do have a hard time opening myself up to relationships (Why? Read the whole story on my blog). That being said, I have a friend who is the opposite. She’s SO ready for the relationship and marriage and babies. She has a high sex drive, but isn’t as sexually confident as I am. We recently both started getting serious with our respective guys.
So let’s look more closely at these two different scenarios when it comes to sex vs intimacy.
Sexually Compatible & Relationship Challenged
Me, I’ve found that person who is 110% sexually compatible with me, and I’ve never experienced anything like it. We’re both up for anything, sharing fantasies and trying new things. It’s ridiculously exciting and erotic and I’ve never been so comfortable with someone before. As many sexual escapades as I’ve had, I’ve never had it like this, and I didn’t really know that it could be this much fun and this intimate in a different sort of way. We’re not just a booty call, mind you. We are in constant contact, spend lots of time together, and are genuinely interested in each others’ lives outside the bedroom (or shower, or car, or balcony, or kitchen table or living room… you get my drift). But I’m still scared shit-less of the relationship stuff, so we haven’t really made anything official or had any of the deep conversations about where we’re going. But I’m happy and excited to see how things turn out (if I can get past my fears anyways).
Relationship Ready And Sexually Lacking
Now for my friend’s perspective. She’s been dating this guy for almost three months. For the first two months of their relationship, they didn’t even HAVE sex. In fact, there was very little of anything sexual. No makeout sessions, nor a ton of kissing or touching, but they spent almost every day together and invested the time into building a relationship and having conversations about who they are and where they are going. By way of unusual circumstances, he ended up having to stay at her place for a week – they settled right into domestic “bliss” and ended up only just recently having sex for the first time. It wasn’t the earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex that I’ve been having – but it had its plus side – intimacy. It was maybe not the most exciting or fulfilling sex, but it had a connection. However, he’s stubbornly closed off to trying anything new, and they only do it maybe a couple times a week. In fact, he refuses to try oral sex with her, and hardly even touches her nether-regions.
The differences are many, and we are about as far apart on the spectrum as you can get. So when it comes to sex vs intimacy, the question is, who has it better? Whose relationship will last? Maybe both. Maybe we just took extremely different paths to get to the same destination.
So Who Has It Better?
The crazy hot adventurous sex won’t last forever, so when its gone, what will I be left with? But my friend skipped the honeymoon-I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you-hump-like-rabbits-stage and jumped right into the we’ve-been-dating-for-five-years-and-the-sex-is-just-okay-and-we’re-more-like-best-friends-stage. Is it okay to not have that crazy sexual energy, or even a little bit of chemisty? And even more importantly, what kind of effect will it have that he isn’t open to trying new things to please her?
I’m not saying either one of us is in the better position. She’s getting the cuddles and the attention and the relationship, and I’m having the most thrilling sex of my life. Whose relationship will last? Only time will tell.