Get your sexy back with a bit of self confidence, says sex journalist Rose Crompton
Feeling sexy is a state of mind. Whatever relationship status you currently hold there is nearly always a point where above all else you want to feel desired, whether by yourself or by the object of your attraction. Unfortunately, a recent survey of 1,000 UK women has revealed that 1 in 5 ladies questioned never feel sexy and do you know why? Because they admit that they’re lacking self-confidence.
I’m a HUGE advocate that in order to be sexy you have to believe that you are sexy. It’s interesting that this survey, carried out by www.ohtique.com, has come around when it has. Recently speaking to a sex positive friend we were debating the pressures on women to spend money in order to make themselves feel attractive. I was sitting firmly on the side of the fence that says “pfft” to that notion and that feeling sexy is all in the mind. Although a £50 set of luxury lingerie may give you a momentary confidence boost, material goods are not what make you sexy; it merely acts as a trigger to release the confidence that’s there all of the time. That is what women need to bottle, but we’ll come back to lingerie shortly.
When I saw the stats that 62 percent of single ladies and a further 55 percent of women in relationships say that they never feel sexy because they lack self-confidence, I realised that we may have one hell of a problem here!
Clearly there have been wires crossed somewhere. Coming from a SATC generation and with shows like Absolutely Fabulous, Ally McBeal and Secret Diary of A Call Girl the female characters oozed self-confidence in sexual and professional environments. My peers and I found these women inspiring, liberating (sometimes very funny); it felt like there was a shift where female sexual confidence was not just encouraged, but practically expected! We took to it like ducks to water, donning clothes that made us feel uber sexy (but not slutty), chatting up any guys we found attractive and bedding those we really liked. I even commented on it for my local paper! So, reading results that contradicted what I’d been made to believe and even experienced first hand, has made me wonder if now the noughties are over us femmes have forgotten how to be, well, a bit cheeky, naughty and sexy?!
So how do we bring sexy back? Well, I’m no body language expert, or psychologist, but I do have common sense and journalistic tendencies to find some practical tips on upping your self-confidence. So, here are four fabulous ways to up your ego that can be used whether you’re in the dating game, or not…
 Talk to people
It’s shocking how comfortable we are at using technology and social media to communicate. Forty-eight per cent of 18 to 24 year olds from the Ohtique survey said text messaging is their preferred form of communication when talking sexy to a partner/potential date. It’s all too easy to hide behind a screen these days, no wonder it’s nerve-wracking when there’s that first phone call or face-to-face convo, because we’re simply not used to it any more. Next time you’re tempted to send a text to your date – dirty or otherwise -, don’t. Give them a quick call instead. It feels much more personal and you become more comfortable speaking to them.
 Move out of your comfort zone
Many people fear change. When there’s an option to stick to what you know, or try something new, generally many will stick to familiar ground. Instead, when it comes to dating and relationships, trying something off the beaten path as it could lead to more exciting territory for you both. Start with small challenges like wearing a bold new lipstick colour on your next date. As your confidence grows, try more daring things to feel sexy, such as doing a titillating strip tease for your partner, or talking sexy over dinner in your favourite, secluded restaurant.
 Positive thinking only please!
Everyone has hang up’s about themselves. Sadly we seem to spend more time focussing on the negatives, rather than what we actually like. Make a list with at least five things you love about yourself. It could be anything from how well you cook to how well you kiss. Consider physical and character traits. When you’re feeling a bit low in confidence before a date, check your list to remind yourself that actually, you’re pretty ace!
 Treat yourself
Despite believing that you don’t need to spend loads of money to feel sexy, it’s undeniable that sometimes donning a new get-up can offer an ego boost. Ohtique’s survey revealed that buying lingerie was still the number one method to feel instantly more sexy. So, use the new lingerie as a prompt, but remember how much more exciting your bedroom session was once the lingerie came off. That should be proof that the self-confidence is there within you and it’s not all thanks to material goods.