Dating An Older Man by @KellySeal

dating an older man
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dating an older manI married a man who is fourteen years older than I am, with an ex wife and two children to boot. My friends thought I was crazy to commit myself to someone who’d already experienced so much in life, who came with this kind of “baggage” because he had a few years on me. But I was head over heels for this guy, and he was smitten with me. Dating an older man wasn’t intentional, it was organic.

I’d dated men who were much older or younger than me in the past, so it wasn’t new for me to be attracted to men outside my age range. The younger men were full of energy, optimistic about the future, and generally a good time. But typically they didn’t last long, because there came a point in the evening where he wanted to talk about video games or hang out with his old buddies from high school, who still made up most of his social circle even though he’d graduated a few years before. I hadn’t spoken to any of my high school friends in more than ten years, since most of them had moved away and started having families.

The older men I dated were attractive to me in a different way.

bookstore150Not only were they more mature, considerate, and romantic, but they were also surprisingly full of energy, passion, and ambition. They knew what they wanted and they weren’t afraid to just go for it. It’s a nice feeling to be pursued, and I have to admit younger men aren’t so adept at it. But after a time the romance fizzled and then I was on to the next.

I met most of these men on my own, through friends or at parties or even at work (shhh, don’t tell my old bosses). However, when I was online dating, I wanted age limits firmly in place – the men I dated had to be less than five years older or a couple of years younger than me. I figured if I had a choice, I should go for what was most practical. I wanted to meet Mr. Right. Older men weren’t practical. Neither were younger men. They were just boys.

Having rigid requirements about age didn’t really help me meet the right person.

The online men I dated grew up watching the same television shows and got the same cultural references that I did, which was comforting. They weren’t too young to get my jokes. They weren’t annoyed that I used “like” a lot. But none of them were right for me. Not because of their ages, but because the chemistry just wasn’t there.

When I met my husband, he admitted that he was online dating too, and was coincidentally on the same site that I was. However, there was no way we would have met on this site. My filters were up: no older men, and no divorced single Dads. If we hadn’t met by chance at a mutual friend’s party, then I would have completely missed out.

Dating An Older Man Is About Taking Chances

All I’m saying is, take more chances when it comes to finding love. Expand those filters to include people outside of your comfort zone – those who are divorced, or younger, or older, or who are in the midst of going back to school or changing careers, or who live further away than you’d like. Because you never know.

Date Expectations

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Kelly is a writer and former speed-dating host, and author of the new book Date Expectations: A Guide to Changing Your Dating Life and Finding Real Love at Her contributions have appeared in The Huffington Post, Slate, Examiner, MSN, Yahoo! Living, YourTango, Digital Romance, The Frisky, and Divine Caroline among others. You can visit her blog “Notes from the Dating Trenches” at, or find her on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+.

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