@TheManMaven Answers: How Can I Find A Good Man?

how can i find a good man
ask the experts @TheManMaven Answers: How Can I Find A Good Man?

how can i find a good man 200x300 @TheManMaven Answers: How Can I Find A Good Man? Listening to my 65-year-old, single mother talk about finding love, and sharing the first dance at her wedding, warms my heart and breaks it at the same time.  It makes me realize that everyone, no matter what age, deeply longs for a fairytale romance.  Every month, over a million people search Google for the words:  How can I find a good man?

So where are all these Rhett Butlers and Mr. Darcys to save the heaps of lonely, female hearts that wander the Earth?  They are out there, I promise!  Here are a few things you can do to land yourself a great guy, fast!

How Can I Find A Good Man?  Have Faith In Love

Most of us are easily defeated.  Success is a discipline.  It’s a numbers game.  My grandfather sold insurance and by the phone on his desk he had a cartoon picture of a beat-up and bloody tomcat howling on a fence post.  The caption read, “The calls bring the results.”  Catcalls invite catfights but they also reel in the female pusses!

You have to get bloody and beat-up a little on the dating scene in order to find Him, and only with FAITH comes perseverance.  So find a way to trust in love, even before asking:  How can I find a good man?

How Can I Find A Good Man?  Redefine Your Definition Of ‘Good’

A smart woman knows that when she asks, How can I find a good man, she actually means, How can I find a good relationship.  She knows that ‘good’ means decent more than desirable.

We all know that lust will bite you in the butt, yet so many of us can’t help but lust after the same type of emotionally unavailable man over and over again, replaying the same toxic relationship patterns.

[quote align="left" color="#999999"]You aren’t settling when you stop looking for Mr. Perfect-On-Paper…  you’re evolving![/quote] Stop looking for a man who pushes your buttons and start looking for a guy who pushes open doors on dates!  I promise that a nice, safe and loving man has the power to make you VERY attracted to him over time.  It happened to me, and the kind of chemistry and intimacy that resulted from my ‘thinking smart’ are so much more sacred than any chemical high I got from first-date sparks with Don Drapers of the world.

How Can I Find A Good Man?  Be A Good Woman

Take out a piece of paper and a pen.  Write down a candid list of your flaws.  Go ahead– be honest with yourself.

If it helps, here’s my list:

I’m needy, chronically angry and sad, impatient and bossy…just to name a few.

Well, guess what?  All these negative traits are the exact traits I once found in the toxic men I dated.  In fact, the more needy, angry, sad, impatient and bossy a man was, the more I fell in love.  Maybe you’re like I was—attracting men who share your “pain body.”  Chemistry is often times about how well our dark sides dance together.

If you’ve had a rocky past with men, it’s time to own your flaws.  I now accept these aspects of myself and allow them to coexist with my strengths.  Because I’m not ashamed or afraid of them, they don’t own me.  I am no longer ‘plugged into’ toxic men, subconsciously seeking out a darker version of myself.

Check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman; The Enchantress Inside You, and get more answers to the question:  How can I find a good man?  Its pages are chock-full of my modern-goddess dating tips!   Finding Mr. Right starts with knowing, deep in your heart, that you are worthy of being someone’s Mrs. Right! 

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I'm a relationship expert and author of two relationship products for women. I have a BA from Columbia University in psychology but my knowledge about men comes from hard, love-life experience. I've seen it all: I've been a first date more times than I'd like to count; a friend with benefits; a doormat, the victim of a few imaginary relationships; and an ex-wife. I turned it all around and now I'm a devoted partner in a wonderful long-term love affair with a really good man. Because I've had egg on my face with men more times than I'd care to mention, I truly care about women and I'm so glad to help fellow felines walk proud in their feminine energy, fancy free and egg free!

4 Comments

  • Reply June 13, 2013

    Hip Gnosis

    “The best thing is to wait and get him to ask you out first.”

    Why is that the best thing? That actually seems to be one of the worst things, really. Why not just ask *him* out, rather than playing childish games or enduring what’s described as torture?

    “Something a girl should keep in mind is, if a single guy is interested in you and you show interest in him, he will pursue you–that’s just how those horn dogs are wired.”

    No, this is how some guys are wired, but this is absolutely not universal. Some don’t want to pursue, but rather to be pursued, while others (including me) operate strictly on mutual pursuit.

    Also, as platonic social groups become more and more sex- and gender-integrated, the differences between effusive comments between friends and true signs of interest have blurred greatly. Furthermore, people’s ideas of what indicates interest differ greatly. I don’t know about you, but every communications class/course/seminar I’ve had has reinforced a common core of strong communications and conversation skills. Without fail, two of them are eye contact and asking open-ended questions that promote further conversation. I practice these all the time. If these are indicators of interest, then it would seem that I am interested in my elderly neighbor, my mother, my older daughter, every woman with whom I’ve ever worked, etc. In the case of most professional women in my age range (say, 25-40ish), I can think of very few who do not practice these two methods of showing interest.

    Trust me: some guys might interpret these as interest, but these are the same guys whose optimism results in mental gymnastics that could interpret just about ANYTHING a woman does as a sign of interest. If you try this on a guy, and he doesn’t take the bait and ask you out, it’s probably bad advice to just write him off as uninterested. A lot of people, both men and women, can be pretty dense about this sort of thing. I highly suggest making it more obvious, like actually joking with him to make him laugh, conveniently mentioning that you want to head down to the cafe for your coffee break, and that he ought to come along and keep you company, etc. But really, what’s the problem with just straight-up asking the guy, just as a guy would have traditionally asked you? It’s 2013, after all, and insisting on traditional roles is consistent with finding a traditional guy. This might sound okay, but remember that traditional values are a stay-at-home mother with no career, which is absolutely fine for some, but a bit of a birdcage for many.

    • Reply June 17, 2013

      Kristina Marchant

      Thanks so much for taking the time to write. Is your comment in reference to this article? Or another I wrote?
      Relationships are a dance of different kinds of energy. If a woman has more masculine energy and asks the guy out and pursues him, chances are, that man has more feminine energy and enjoys being pursued. Now… that dynamic can work fine for some couples, but usually what I see happen is that this dynamic plays out in the relationship. The woman wears the pants and the man slowly begins to feel emasculated. Not to mention that the woman starts to get irritated and resentful: “Why do I always have to tell him what to do or invite him places? Why isn’t he stepping up and taking initiative in this relationship?” After all, men typically need to feel appreciated and women need to feel loved. A woman who is doing the hard lifting in the relationship might not feel too loved and will stop appreciating the man.
      A man who can’t ask a woman out might not be able to be accountable to that relationship. Not all men are just shy, some are not that interested but don’t mind saying ‘yes’ when pursued. If I tell women to start asking guys out, most are going to pursue the unavailable ones and make the excuse to themselves that those guys are just shy.

      • Reply June 28, 2013

        Online Date Coach

        Hi Kristina, I actually wrote this article but your reply to Hip Gnosis was spot on! The guy needs to wear the pants and take the chance. It’s that simple.

        - the ODC

        • Reply June 29, 2013

          Kristina Marchant

          So funny OnlineDateoCoach because this thread also showed up on my article How Can I Find A Good Man. Glad you agree with me. xx

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