Relationship Insecurity: How You May Be Blocking Your Chances At Love by @Instigaytor

Relationship Insecurity
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Relationship InsecurityWe all have insecurities to some degree. We have days where we wake up ready to conquer the world. Sometimes we have bad days where we suffer from lingering feelings of self-doubt. It’s a part of life. As human beings, it’s natural for us to feel emotion and sometimes those emotions get the best of us, especially in areas of love and relationships. So when does relationship insecurity start to block your chances at love?

Relationship Insecurity and New Love

This week a reader writes:

“I broke up with my ex about a year ago and for awhile, it was pretty hard for me to move on. It wasn’t the best relationship but it was still pretty hard for me to get to a point where I wanted to date.

About 4 months ago, I met this new guy and we have been dating exclusively for almost a month. He’s a sweet guy, but I catch myself being angry with him for things that my ex did.

I know that on some level, I am sabotaging my relationship with him for fear of being hurt and I want to get rid of this insecurity before I mess things up. What should I do?”

When your bad days start to outnumber the good and your insecurities start interfering with your ability to foster relationships, it’s time for some serious self reflection.

Insecurities are fear based beliefs that are birthed from bad experiences. These experiences have been flagged in our memories and provoke unhealthy emotional responses against ourselves and others. If left unchecked, it can take over  your life and prevent you from getting the things you truly want and need to be happy.

Whether you are currently in a relationship or on a search for one, there is one thing that needs to be understood for you to move forward; until you fully address those areas of insecurity, any progress you make in your relationships will more than likely be temporary.

There’s no quick fix. It definitely takes a positive attitude, a lot of patience and a genuine want and need for change. They key is to learn to control the way you react and respond  to the events that trigger these insecurities.

Here are some things to consider that might help you get on track:

  • You have to figure these emotions out. What is the problem. Why do you feel the way you feel?
  • Own it – Whatever the problem is, however you feel about it, it’s yours and you are responsible for whatever comes of it.
  • Set Goals, make a plan and take action
  • Surround yourself with positive and supportive people
  • Revisit your plan and measure progress
  • Stop comparing yourself


I hope this helps you move forward. Hang in there and feel free to let us know how things work out for you!

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J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. Based out of Chicago, Cameron has had the opportunity to help hundreds of gay men bring excitement back into their love life and meet quality singles who are looking to find their perfect match. He currently serves as the gay dating expert for various dating and lifestyle websites dishing the good, bad and just plain dirty on love and relationships.