For those of you who follow my blog, I talk a lot about Red Flags. Funny, in the moment I don’t usually recognize them – but hindsight is 20/20 right? Well, I figured I should share what I’ve learned through this so-called hindsight so that other daters out there might possibly learn something from my ignorance.
Red Flags in Him
Red flags in him are generally pretty obvious, however, I’m guilty of just making excuses for them, or rationalizing their behaviour instead of seeing the truth that’s right in front of me. Guaranteed most of you ladies out there have experienced at least one of these: The guy isn’t “looking for a relationship right now”. He never wants to go out in public or hang out with friends (yours or his). He won’t make time to see you. These all seem really obvious. But in the moment, it’s easier to make excuses and hope for the best. Lesson learned the hard way.
Another big one, which is harder to identify, is how long it’s been since their last relationship. It can be challenging when they insist they’re ready to date and to be with you. But if your gut says he’s not over his ex, he’s probably not.
Red Flags in Me
Sometimes there’s behaviour in myself that signifies a red flag. For instance, there has been a time or two, I’ll ashamedly admit, where I was involved with a booty call or fling at the same time I met a ‘potential’. I catch myself thinking (and usually acting upon), “Maybe I can squeeze in one last fling with so-and-so, before [insert new guy’s name here] and I get exclusive.” Not generally a good sign that’s going to work.
Similarly, if you ever feel the need to check his phone, this is a big red flag. One that I’ve caught myself in before. It’s a bad, bad idea. It either signifies that he is doing something to cause you to be suspicious, indicating a lack of trust, or you’re carrying around baggage that is causing you to be suspicious. Neither situation is very promising that things are going to work long-term.
Red Flags in Oddities
I’ve started collecting little oddities that also usually signify a red flag. Not very applicable to other women out there, but its entertaining. Hoop earrings, for one. Always, always, always avoid a guy that sports a hoop earring. This goes doubly so if he sports double hoops.
Blue Toyota Tacomas. I also need to avoid men who drive blue Tacomas. In my 5 years of singledom, I’ve managed to date five different guys who drove the exact same truck. Common truck? Coincidence? Possibly, but really? It can’t be a good sign. I’m constantly turning my head whenever I see a blue truck, it has to stop!
Lastly, any guy who PVRs American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. Yes, this has happened to me. He was always willing to re-watch an episode he’d already seen if I hadn’t seen it yet. Hint: question his sexuality…
Anything I’ve missed? Do you have any weird telltales that are a sign you should high-tail it in the opposite direction?