Avoiding The Texting Dating Trap by @Instigaytor

Man texting
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Avoiding The Texting Dating Trap

Man textingTexting is awesome! It’s quick, convenient and it allows you to multi-task. It can also be a pain in the ass because it can allow us men to get lazy when it comes to building relationships.

It gives us instant gratification to know we can reach you anytime we feel like it and it opens the door for all sorts of mixed communication… as if decoding some of our bullshit wasn’t hard enough already.

This week a reader writes:

“I met this guy online and we ended up going on a few dates. It was cool and I thought we had some serious chemistry going on. Ever since our date, we spend most of our time texting. He never really calls and when he does, it’s only for a brief moment. He suggested we go on another date and I agreed. Through all the text messages… I am still waiting on that date. I don’t want to just dismiss him because the dates we did have, were really nice. On the other hand, I’m not going to wait around for him to step up. What should I do about this one?”

If you want an easy answer, here it goes: Move on and find a replacement! No seriously, if you find yourself in this position and you don’t want to be there… Don’t waste your time!

I hate to say it but chances are that this won’t be the last time you find yourself in this position and if you are truly not ready to let him go, there is a way for you to break through this “text-only” stage. So what do you do?

Flip The Script And Learn How To Play The Game!

bookstore150Most men already do it, they just don’t acknowledge it so if you are one of those “Dating isn’t a game” type people, then you should go with the easy answer I provided above. But if you’re ready to acknowledge that dating does require a little of bit of strategy, then, listen up… It might change your love-life.

Here are my top tips on how to counteract that “text-only” mentality and encourage him to get up close and personal with you.

1. Make Yourself Exclusive – You know you are worthy of more than just text messages so make him believe it. Chances are that you have made yourself too available via text messaging and he is taking this as your preferred method of contact. You probably have few people who already text you on a consistent basis so he needs to know the value of your time when you use it to communicate with him.

The Gambit – Let his text messages breathe a little before responding. Delay communication for a few hours before responding. If he asks you, respond “ Sorry babe. Been Busy. Hope you’re well. Talk soon.” Don’t say anything more. Keep it short and sweet!

2. Play With His Imagination – Imagination can be a dangerous thing especially when we are left to our own devices. In this situation, the key to making it work to your advantage is to be a vague as possible.  You want his mind to wander and conjure up all sorts of scenarios you could be engaging in. Maybe you’re working a lot, hanging out with your friends or seeing other guys.  Now you’re the mystery and if he’s really interested in you, he is going to try and solve it.

The Gambit – The next time he texts you, his mind should be a little more curious as to what you have been up to. He’ll ask and you should say something like this “I’m good… Tired. I’ve been hanging out a lot. Call me sometime.” Make sure you say that you’re “Hanging Out” because it can mean a lot of things but as a man, I can almost guarantee his mind will go directly to sex.

3. Be Patient & Have A Deadline – Patience is a very important factor here. I hate to say it but sometimes, guys can be slow and need time to process certain things… especially when it comes to dating.

This process shouldn’t last more than a week but by day 5-6-7, he should be texting or calling you to make small talk about what you have been up to.

If He Calls – Be confident and engage in the small talk. Don’t be too enthusiastic, but let him know that it’s nice to hear from him and see what’s up with that pending date. If it’s gone this far, chances are that date will be on the books before the end of the phone call.

 If He Texts – Don’t go any further with him. Chances are he’s not that into you and by this time, you should be pretty much over him. Time to move on.

So there you have it. A clear strategy that will not only help get your guy to stop relying on text messages, but to also help you gauge his romantic interest and get him to step up to the plate. Give it a shot and let me know how it works for you.

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J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. Based out of Chicago, Cameron has had the opportunity to help hundreds of gay men bring excitement back into their love life and meet quality singles who are looking to find their perfect match. He currently serves as the gay dating expert for various dating and lifestyle websites dishing the good, bad and just plain dirty on love and relationships.

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