You’ve chatted online a couple of times, shared a couple of laughs and agreed to meet. You picked a central spot. You primped and prepped and donned your best first date outfit. On your way there your imagination can’t help itself. You fantasize that this could be it. You hold out hope for that “love connection” you’ve been longing for. Your pulse quickens as you enter the bar. You anxiously scan the room. Then, you spot him. He’s here.
Your heart sinks.
He’s obviously older than his one photo suggested. In fact, given the way he looks, you suspect that photo was probably taken with a camera that used film. While he may be here, he apparently left some of his hairline back at home. As for his attire, it might be appropriate for a pick-up game on a muddy field with his mates, but certainly won’t help him pick up.
He sees you.
Damn. You missed your opportunity to escape unnoticed.
As he gets closer, so does your regret for agreeing to meet him. You’re also rethinking wearing the four-inch heels as his definition of tall and yours seem to fall a bit short. The good news is you have full view of the dandruff flakes sprinkled atop his only slightly shiny head.
You mind shifts to thoughts of how do you make a speedy exit? You want out. This is not your Mr. Right.
Does this situation sound even the least bit familiar? Kayte, from eloves me, eloves me not, has certainly had her share of bad dates. She can definitely relate. Can you?
Three Creative Ways to Escape A Bad First Date
Of course, you could always be nice and respectful and just say, “Hey, don’t think this is really a match, but thanks anyways.” Or you could stay, have one quick drink, make some lame excuse to leave and make insincere promises to chat again soon. Or, if nice and respectful is not your style and you’re over bad first dates, you could at least have a little fun and use some creativity to make your escape.
Here are three creative ways to escape a bad first date that you may wish to file away for future reference or just read for a wee giggle:
As your date gets close, contact your inner actor, muster your best fearful face, anxiously glance beyond him at some other guy back behind him, hide your face nervously behind your hand, and whisper, “Oh my God. That’s my husband back there. I have to leave. I can’t do this. Sorry.” Then run as fast as those four-inch stilettoes will allow.
When your date approaches rather than let him come in for a hug, reach out to shake his hand. Shake it vigorously as he introduces himself. Don’t say anything. Just smile. Keep smiling and keep shaking his hand. He’ll play along a little at first, but he’s bound to get increasingly uncomfortable. Keep shaking it. Don’t say anything. Keep smiling. Keep shaking it. The more vigorous the better. As people start to watch and he get’s more and more uncomfortable with the increased attention, keep smiling. Maintain a solid grip and keep shaking. Don’t let go. He’ll grow even more visibly distressed, possibly uttering, “Stop it” or “What are you doing?” Ignore his pleas. Keep shaking. Keep smiling. He should be trying to wriggle away at this point. You’ll need to keep that grip tight. And, just when he’s about to lose it. Just when he’s about to scream, stop smiling. Take your hand away, turn and walk away. Trust me. He won’t call out or follow!
The Butt Pinch:
You might need to invoke the power of one of these three creative ways to escape a bad first date … The Husband, The Handshake and The Butt Pinch.
Your date approaches. You exchange hellos and pleasantries, “Yes, it’s nice to meet you too.” “No, it wasn’t hard to find.” “Yes, I am thirsty. I could definitely use a drink.” You know that you have to go through the motions, invest in a little chitchat so that you can get to a place where you can make your escape. You suggest you both go to the crowded bar to get your drinks. He agrees. You pick the spot and wedge yourselves in right next to three ladies chirping away to each other. You make more small talk, tell him what you’d like to drink. He orders. He says something you really can’t hear, but you smile and nod. The girls beside him erupt in laughter. They’re still waiting for their drinks. The bartender approaches with yours first. This is your chance. You deftly reach around behind your date and give the closest of the females the strongest pinch on the butt you can muster and quickly snap your hand back placing it in front of you demurely atop your handbag. She screams, “Ouch” and turns to face your date who is standing shoulder to shoulder with her. You throw him a dumfounded look. And she shouts loud enough for the whole bar to hear, “He just pinched my ass!” He’s shocked. His waving arms are vehemently denying the accusation. He looks at you pleading. You look back, hang your head and start shaking it slowly in disappointment. You mouth, “I think I better leave.” Just then the ‘pinchee’ screams “And I liked it” and throws her arm around your date giving you the perfect opportunity to just walk away from the sound of the rest of the trio erupting into gleeful giggles.
My hope for you is that all your first dates are blissful and that you won’t ever need to invoke the power of three creative ways to escape a bad first date, but if you do, know that you’re not alone! We’ve all been there.
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