Finding Your Soulmate by @DontKillYourDat

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finding your soulmateIs there such a thing as a soulmate? Yes. Well, that’s good news. But here’s even better news. There is not just one lonely soul out there waiting to find you. There are thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands that will fit the bill for what you believe may be your soulmate.

But how can this be?!? You have been inundated over centuries of romantic lore that you all have that one perfect person that you must find to make your lives complete – the “love of your life.” It has been written in books, plays, made into movies and hammered into your skulls that you all have that one chance, that one shot at perfect happiness. You must seek out and nab the other half of your heart and you only have one chance at…

Finding Your Soulmate

Well, my friends, as is with most commonly believed romantic notions, this is a crock of horse poop. Seriously, think about it for a moment. There are over 7 billion people on this planet. Knock half of them out as the same sex as you, 3.5 billion. Then let’s just randomly knock out another half that are not in your category as single, we are at 1.75 billion. And just for whatever reason, let’s drop another half, just because. We are still looking at over 800 million possibilities. Aw, Hell, let’s just go ahead and slice that number in two. Now you have over 400 million possible soulmates out there. Pretty good odds indeed.

bookstore150You may argue that, (in this incredibly scientific breakdown) though the numbers are great, there is still only one that will match you perfectly. And that would be a foolish argument indeed. Ask yourself honestly, how many times have you found someone that you thought could most certainly be soulmate material? I’m willing to bet many times. But for some reason, it did not work out. The timing was not right, you weren’t in a good place, or there was just that certain something that didn’t fit. You will tell yourself that they just weren’t your soulmate. But you have to be honest with yourself and realize that with a very minor tweak in the situation, they might have been perfect for you.

Some of you, like me, may have even found your soulmate and started a life together, only to have it all fall apart. You find yourself cold and alone with little hope of happiness, till one day another soulmate pops into your life and brings you back from the brink. Now is this one your soulmate or was the first one, and you just screwed it up? Or maybe they screwed it up. Either way, you were convinced that they were the one. Had things gone a different way, you would have been fully wrapped up with your one and only soulmate. The first one, I mean.

Or, God forfend, the one you love is taken from you and you are left alone, heartbroken. Will you seek another eventually? Probably. Will they be the one, or was it the first one that sadly passed away? These are the kinds of questions that you can rationalize all you want after the fact ad nauseam, but it will not change the reality that…

You Have Many Chances at a Soulmate

The romantic notion of there being only one, is not only ridiculous, but it’s damaging. This belief can lead to despair and hopelessness. I have been there and I know. And then I found someone better!

[quote align=”right” color=”#999999″]There isn’t only one soulmate out there for you.  Just because you lost one doesn’t mean another won’t come along.[/quote] Another problem with this “one and only” notion, is that it puts all the onus on fate, or the other soulmate, but never squarely where the true issue lies. With you. When bad things happen and you lose the one you love for whatever reason, do you give up? Sadly, some do, but most of you fight on and believe that you simply did not find your soulmate. But you did, at least, find ONE of them. So now you are back on the prowl. That means there is another opportunity at a soulmate for you. The real question now is, are you soulmate material?

Are you ready for the only one you believe is out there for you? Have you done the internal work that makes you a strong candidate? You will meet the perfect person many times over the course of your life, but you may not be ready for it. Lincoln said, “I will prepare myself and someday my chance will come.” If you are not preparing yourself, you will miss the soulmate opportunities as they whiz by you almost daily. But he further stated, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” This is your cue to work on your tools before you can find that perfect soulmate.

Ready yourself! Work on bettering yourself in all areas so that when that next perfect soulmate strolls by, you will recognize that it is an opportunity, a chance, but not the only chance at happiness. Life is full of happiness and love, if you are able to see it. If you have been knocked down, let this realization of abundant soulmates buoy you up and keep your head above water. Breathe deeply and relax. Focus on the one thing that you can improve, yourself. Get to work, and do it quickly. The faster you improve, the sooner your next soulmate will arrive. Happy hunting.


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The “Dating Sage,” Spike Spencer, is an internationally known public speaker, actor, voice over talent, and a Foodie of the first magnitude. He is also a self-published author, with thousands of books sold. For the past 6 years, Spike has been speaking in his humorous “Don’t Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)” panel at conventions around the world. Thousands have enjoyed his talks about dating, relationships, and “being a man,” using cooking, adventure, and self improvement as his mediums. At some of these appearances, Spike actually cooks for the crowd. Spike is currently in production on the TV pilot of his "Don't Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)" cooking/dating talk show, and writing the companion book, of the same title. The DKYD concept derives from a very real desire to help guys become better MEN, spurred by Spike’s own personal story of divorce tragedy, bankruptcy, love lost, and re-emergence into the dating world. Through Spike’s “field research” - dating triumphs and tragedies, crazy experiences, PUA studies, and learning to really listen to women and build a strong successful relationship- Spike is the straight guy women can count on to help them translate their needs to their men. Spike uses cooking, a very real and popular way to expand a man’s arsenal of desirable traits, to help men attract the woman of their dreams, just like Spike has done!


  • August 18, 2014


    I love the ax analogy. It is so very true! Working on you first is the key to attracting that “soul mate”.

  • August 18, 2014

    Meena Avery

    Love that you reminded everyone that there is possibly more than one person out there for you! And more importantly, that you have to make sure you yourself are ready to attract a partner.

  • August 19, 2014

    Dr. Kat Smith

    This sheds some interesting light on other ways people are seeking love and a serious connection. It will help a lot of people to open up to new ideas.

  • August 19, 2014

    Vanessa V. Browne

    I think sometimes it’s hard to wrap our heads around having more than one soulmate. But the reasoning you propose is great!

  • August 20, 2014

    Elli Raine

    Ah I love this! I’m a believer in deliberate attraction and soulmate love… and you’re so bang on with every point here. You don’t have just one Soulmate out there for you, so don’t lose hope. Just focus on being the best version of yourself and you’ll find the One.

  • August 20, 2014

    Kevin Alexander

    Love it! I have to cover this one all the time with guys who locked on one girl who doesn’t even feel the same way back. I know in those moments it’s hard to think about the abundance of available partners on the planet, but even in today’s large metropolis-type cities, it’s virtually impossible to run out of singles!

    • August 21, 2014

      V. V. Browne

      Hey Kevin–Thanks for reminding me that guys go through the same dating pains too! Sometimes I think you all have it easier and that isn’t true.

  • August 21, 2014

    Boston Single Girl

    Spike, you hit the nail on the head with this one man! Perfectly put and more people need to open their minds to the idea that you can have more than one soul mate. Who could argue with the logic of the math you presented?!