This past weekend, the boyfriend and I celebrated our one-year anniversary. He whisked me away to a beautiful bed & breakfast in scenic New Hampshire, where we had a spacious room looking out onto the stars. While there was plenty of opportunities for excellent dining, breathtaking hikes and scintillating conversation, The Warrior Poet and I also took advantage of the extended weekend away from it all to indulge in some of our bedroom fantasies. But can you successfully carry out your sexual fantasies in real life?
Being Sexually Adventurous In the Bedroom
For those of you who’ve read My Personal Guide to Having Great Sex, you are already aware than I can be pretty adventurous in the bedroom. I haven’t shied away from playing with food, backdoor play, using toys or watching sexy movies with a lover. WP has lived through his own array of sexual escapades, so it has been another fun and exciting area for us to explore together. While we each have lived a full life and had overlapping experiences, we each still have some sexual fantasies yet to come to fruition. After a few glasses of wine and a change of attire our second night on the trip, the Warrior Poet brought up one of his fantasies that I was more than happy to make come true.
The key to initially broaching the topic of making a fantasy a reality is to raise the subject both respectfully and personally. If your partner is shy, you don’t want to suggest something so outrageously over-the-top that it makes your lover instantly clam up. Likewise, being too blasé about it may not give your exhibitionist partner enough incentive or stimulation.
Sure, be playful, and of course being saucy and suggestive doesn’t hurt either. Yet you also want to make sure your partner truly is comfortable with the idea of giving the act a try before jumping in. For some, bringing up the topic outside of the bedroom is a less vulnerable place and less likely to cause unnecessary pressure.
Can You Plan Sexy?
While things sound amazing in theory, sometimes the logistics can be overly complex in practice. While planning can seem to take the sexy out of sex, it actually sets up a greater likelihood for success. If you are planning a ménage a trois, for example, setting ground rules in advance is the best way to avoid confusion, mixed signals and potential feelings of betrayal. While things may still not go perfectly, talking about things extensively beforehand can help a couple decide whether this is even really something they want to take out of the realm of fantasy and into the reality of the bedroom.
Playing With Fantasy Made Real
If you’ve talked it over and decided that you want to follow through on your fantasy, now let your playful side out. Let your brain have a rest for a while, and ride the wave of excitement and novelty, relishing the knowledge that you are actively participating in making your (our your partner’s) dream a reality. Perhaps try playing with a different persona for a bit – if you tend to be more passive in lovemaking, experiment with taking charge for a bit; if you tend to embrace your tender sensuality, pursue your sexuality more ravenously for a night. Add a little dose of intrigue to your fantasy made real.
After our night together, the WP and I had more than mental evidence of living out our fantasy. The memories we could relive with glances at the evidence helped extend the pleasure of the night. Warrior Poet’s thoughts on the matter:
It takes immersion to a whole different level.
And I can’t wait to make the next fantasy on our list come true!