How To Deal With A Guy Who Sends Mixed Messages? By @Instigaytor

mixed messages
Enjoyed this article? Give us a share.Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0Share on StumbleUpon0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0

mixed messages

Dating a guy who sends mixed messages is not only counter-productive, but it’s also frustrating, confusing and severely annoying. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the dating game and it’s something all of us have dealt with at one point or another. So when it happens, how do you deal with it?

Mixed Messages and Dating

This week, one of our followers asks:

“Dear @Instigaytor,

I met this guy about 5 months ago and we really seemed to connect. We started as friends and during that time, we ended up becoming roommates. Not long after that, a relationship started to form and we started going on dates and sleeping together. Things got very intense and I think it’s safe to say that I have fallen for him pretty hard.

I decided to let him know how I feel about him and he basically told me that we are not exclusive.  I took this as his word so I have been dating other guys.

 I can tell that he is bothered by it because now, things between us have gotten so weird. I am severely confused because one minute he is treating me like I am his main squeeze and the next, I’m just another dude off the street.

All these mixed signals have me lost and I could really use some advice. How do I get control of this situation?”

Dear Reader,.

Thank you for submitting your question. I definitely can see why you are frustrated because this is a confusing situation.

You have only known each other for 5 months and during that period you became roommates, friends and lovers. It’s no wonder why everything is so mixed up. My friend, you HAVE to have clarity and it seems like this situation has got you all over the place.

Get Clarity

All this gray area is allowing for too many loopholes. Love is confusing enough without all of this unnecessary drama.  There is a reason why the wise queens say “You don’t sleep where you shit!”

Please understand that by not being 100% clear about YOUR needs and intentions, you have forced yourself into a one-sided relationship. Just because your roommate/boyfriend is sending mixed messages doesn’t mean you have to entertain them. YOU have the power to make your own decisions and if you find this arrangement to be more trouble than it’s worth, please let it go before you become tired, bitter and jaded.

Set Boundaries

Both of you should take a moment to get real. Are you going to be roommates or are you going to be a couple?


If you want to regain control, start setting up some boundaries for yourself. If he acts like he is not interested in becoming your boyfriend, then you have to put him in the friend’s zone. This means hang out sessions only. No romantic dates, no kissing, no BJ’s, no sex… cut all of that shit out! If not, you will end up driving yourself insane and ultimately resenting yourself for the time and energy you put into him.

Enjoy your single life with no regrets. Date who you want and focus your energy on finding someone who wants the same things you want. You’re going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a guy who is worth your love and affection. Eventually you will find someone who will have no problem putting his claim on you and it will be the feeling in the world.

Hope this helps you. I wish you the best of luck and please do not hesitate to contact me if you some additional guidance.

Single Gay Men: I want YOU to meet some of my Bachelors! Head over to and join Insti(Date), our new online singles database…It’s FREE TO JOIN! Simply create your free matchmaking profile, search for other members and get connected. It’s that easy!


Online Dating for $1 | Singles Warehouse

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try Singles Warehouse today!

Join us on FACEBOOK!


Enjoyed this article? Give us a share.Share on Facebook0Pin on Pinterest0Share on StumbleUpon0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+0

J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. Based out of Chicago, Cameron has had the opportunity to help hundreds of gay men bring excitement back into their love life and meet quality singles who are looking to find their perfect match. He currently serves as the gay dating expert for various dating and lifestyle websites dishing the good, bad and just plain dirty on love and relationships.


  • April 9, 2013

    Dating Disasters

    Ugh! Men who send mixed messages are enough to drive a person insane! I dated a guy once who my best friend dubbed “Mix-Master”… One minute he was telling me that he never wanted to be apart from me, then he’d send me a text about how he thought he wanted to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. I eventually had to cut him out of my life all together… I couldn’t even be friends with someone who cared so little for my feelings. Awesome post!

    • April 9, 2013


      The Mixmaster… That is hilarious! Good for you for dropping that loser and Thanks for the comment 🙂

  • […] Click Here To Check Out My Advice Over At […]