Emotional Preparation For Online Dating by @DontKillYourDat

emotional preparation
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emotional preparation

We have a serious love-hate relationship happening on this planet. Communication is easy, immediate, and much more complex. We interact instantly with exponentially more people than ever before, yet on a far less personal level. Estimates say over 70% of singles have an online dating profile of some kind or have tried it at least once. But have you ever considered this- SHOULD you have one too?

Have you done enough emotional preparation to have an online dating profile?

When I started my online dating life as a complete newbie, I was in a bad place. Shattered from a recent and incredibly ugly divorce, full of adultery, lies, and scandal (none of which I participated in), I was thrust back, against my will, into “singledom.” Does that sound like a positive, happy place from which to start a dating quest? Um, no.
I had been out of the scene for over 13 years and had no idea about this whole new online dating thing. When I started my matrimonial adventure, the internet was brand new and online dating didn’t even exist.

We all come to online dating from different perspectives. Wherever we come from, we must be emotionally prepared for the good, bad, and possibly very ugly of online dating. It’s a new world with new rules. And just like any new skill, you must learn the basics and know what to expect. You also have to realize that if you are not having success in your regular dating life, online is NOT a substitute.

You may think online is less personal, so you can get away with more. Wrong. In person you have body language. Whatever you are feeling on the inside shows on the outside. Humor, sarcasm, etc. are easily conveyed with a gesture. But online, you have to be more precise and clear in your communication because words are all you have!

It’s not about what you say, it’s how you say it.

Should you even have a profile yet? Only you can answer that. You may want one now, but you may not be ready for it. I screwed up more than one lovely dating possibility due to my syntax faux pas. I typed something that, in my head, sounded perfectly sane and quite humorous. The deafening silence of no typing that greeted me on the other end, showed me the err of my ways. When the “Wow, really?” response eventually showed up on my screen, I knew I was done.

Not only was I not very adept at the whole voiceless communication, but I was also not coming from a good place in my personal life. I was not emotionally prepared. It is one thing to become proficient at instant communication, it is an art, really. Learning the basics- the lingo, timing, and etiquette, is an absolute must. Beyond that, you have to be sure that, on the inside, you are strong, confident, and healthy enough to even be online dating at all.

Eventually, I became confident both online and inside. I had many lovely adventures meeting beautiful women. I learned that what you type is how you feel on the inside and will shine through your words. If you are cynical, angry, or desperate, it will show. And it will not be pretty. So be centered, happy, and strong. If you are not, you are not ready to go online. Spend the time and money on taking care of yourself first, then type it out to the rest of the world when you are actually ready. You will definitely reap far more rewards, my friend.

Go on, Be Strong,

Spike Spencer, the Dating Sage


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The “Dating Sage,” Spike Spencer, is an internationally known public speaker, actor, voice over talent, and a Foodie of the first magnitude. He is also a self-published author, with thousands of books sold. For the past 6 years, Spike has been speaking in his humorous “Don’t Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)” panel at conventions around the world. Thousands have enjoyed his talks about dating, relationships, and “being a man,” using cooking, adventure, and self improvement as his mediums. At some of these appearances, Spike actually cooks for the crowd. Spike is currently in production on the TV pilot of his "Don't Kill Your Date (and Other Cooking Tips)" cooking/dating talk show, and writing the companion book, of the same title. The DKYD concept derives from a very real desire to help guys become better MEN, spurred by Spike’s own personal story of divorce tragedy, bankruptcy, love lost, and re-emergence into the dating world. Through Spike’s “field research” - dating triumphs and tragedies, crazy experiences, PUA studies, and learning to really listen to women and build a strong successful relationship- Spike is the straight guy women can count on to help them translate their needs to their men. Spike uses cooking, a very real and popular way to expand a man’s arsenal of desirable traits, to help men attract the woman of their dreams, just like Spike has done!

1 Comment

  • April 8, 2013

    Dirty In Public

    Entering the online dating scene after divorce is hard enough but when you’ve been out of the dating scene altogether for years, it’s like you’re a babe in the woods! Great post!