I recently watched a video called, “Breaking the Barrier”, which examines at which point in a relationship it becomes ok to fart in front of your lover. Although, obviously intended to be humorous, it got me thinking about how couples degenerate from being polite and trying to impress each other when they first begin dating, to taking each other for granted and treating each other disrespectfully. This disrespect, commonly manifested as the belief that it’s ok to fart in front of your lover, could be one of the reasons why our divorce rates are so high in the U.S. These thoughts prompted me to write a blog post called, “Keeping the Romance Alive: It’s Not Ok to Fart in Front of Your Lover” on Dating Disasters and Delights. I know many people think that it’s actually a sign of relationship success that you have reached the point where you feel it’s ok to fart in front of your lover, but, I think that this level of comfort is quite dangerous and may precipitate an eventual break-up.
Why it’s NOT ok to fart in front of your lover:
Farts are natural. Farts are unavoidable. Farts are funny. Farts are also uncontrollable sometimes. I get that. But, there’s also a reason why, as a society, we’ve been taught that there are appropriate times and places to fully relax, and times and places where good manners are key. So, I maintain that it’s not ok to fart in front of your lover purposely, indiscriminately, and tactlessly.
When we first start dating, we are always on our best behavior, not only because this is what is expected of us in civilized society, but because we are trying to impress the object of our desire. I posit that one of the reasons why it is so difficult to maintain a healthy relationship is because we lose that impetus to impress our lovers. We take them for granted. We disrespect them. We fart on them.
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Give a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T:
Dating is hard work sometimes. We dress to impress and mind our manners when we’re starting up a relationship. But, then we reach the point where we decide it is ok to fart in front of your lover and we also become less likely to show our love and respect in other little ways: opening car doors, sending flowers, taking pains to make sure our hair and makeup are perfect. We all know that established relationships take work too, but we forget these basic job duties, and then wonder why, after all of our years of service, our lover has decided to fire us.
Don’t get me wrong…
Now, don’t get me wrong… I’m not suggesting that we return to the days where Dads pace hospital corridors while their babies are born and only see Mom once she’s been made up and put in a frilly nighty. Reaching a point of mutual comfort and trust is paramount in a committed romance. But, I don’t see anything wrong with taking care of your hygienic needs privately, or excusing yourself to another room if your body needs to release some pressure. I also don’t see anything wrong with trying to ensure your partner’s comfort and happiness however you might do so. When one partner deliberately tries to gross the other out (by silently farting under the blanket and then fanning the comforter in the other partner’s face so that their particular aroma wafts directly up the other’s nostrils, for example), while it may seem funny from the outside perspective, what it is, in actuality, is mean and disrespectful behavior.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing if, when we’re in a long term relationship, we continued to treat each other the way we did when we were first dating? Maybe that joyous “falling in love” feeling wouldn’t be so fleeting. Maybe the key to successful relationships is as simple as realizing that it’s not ok to fart in front of your lover…
After all, I’ve never heard of anyone suing for divorce because their spouse was too polite and considerate.