A little over 2 weeks into the New Year, I have read countless articles advising singles in the online dating community on how to find their pot-o-gold at the end of the dating rainbow… LOVE! While looking for love and a meaningful relationship is a valiant goal for 2013, I fear many online daters may burn-out somewhere between Cupid’s arrow launch and the spirited Leprechaun pours his first pint. The New Year, with its promise of a clean slate, may inspire new vigor but changing your perspective from looking for love to looking for friendship may be the only tweak you need to hold onto your renewed confidence throughout the year while avoiding getting date weary.
Unfortunately, many love-seekers approach dating like a Vegas card game {numbers and odds}; aggressively seeking their Ace in a pile of dates. While frequent dating may have advantages {i.e. improve date etiquette, define preferences, get out of the house} but if each date is scheduled with the hopeful expectation of love blooming before the entrée is served, your positive attitude will quickly melt into an ominous cloud that shrouds your future rendezvous in disappointment. Love is not always a precious stone unearthed in radiant perfection, but may be buried in the ore of friendship. Romantic vignettes gently shoved down our throats in the form of sweet songs and fanciful movie lines lead us to believe that unless love strikes like a bolt of lightning; suddenly, violently, passionately-it must not be true love. When examined in the real world, love is more likely cultivated slowly over time; through simple acts of tenderness displayed in comfortable familiarity.
Stop Looking for Love
Whether a love is developed over time or sprung on you like a jack-in-the-box, is one love less valuable than the other? In 2013, schedule your dates with the hope of finding a new friend rather than a soul mate. Feel the thrill in finding someone worthy to share your favorite hole-in-the-wall eatery; rather than worry if they are worthy of sharing your life. Step back and open your heart to new experiences, lots of laughter, and new companionship. Stop wasting your time looking for love and begin looking for someone you love to spend time with. By adopting this approach, your dates will begin to be more relaxed, less complicated, and much more enjoyable. It’s inevitable that someone will read this and reduce my words of advice to a simple platitude-love seekers must settle and give up on love. I am not suggesting you marry someone you don’t feel a connection or desire; I am suggesting you give time for a connection or desire to bloom. And if it doesn’t, what did you lose? You just spent a pleasant evening or two getting to know a person who you may not walk down the aisle with but would invite to the next street faire. Oh, the horror *sarcasm*! My advice also doesn’t suggest that you sit on your couch at home, waiting for your true love to magically fly in your open kitchen window and land in your lap. By suggesting that you stop looking for love, I do not imply that you stop trying! You must get off your ass and seek the life you want to live. Life and love will not be found in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s or your Roku machine. Unplug, get dressed, get out of the house, and meet people.
Begin Looking for Friendship
The promise of a clean slate and a rekindled spirit of a New Year can catapult even the most seasoned and weary dater into stellar heights of optimism. As important as setting you free from dating and relationship missteps of the past, you are only doomed to repeat it if your approach remains unchanged and your attitude unaltered. Release your grip on romantic ideals and stop looking for love to appear in a sudden flash. Open your mind and your heart to new people and experiences by approaching each date as a chance at friendship. Looking for friendship may provide the opportunity for love to flourish, where in the past it may have been overlooked because of being a warm smolder rather than a blinding inferno. After all, with any relationship, when the fire of desire fades, there will only be friendship left to build upon. Without friendship, a relationship does not have the substance to endure time’s trials. In essence; without true friendship there can be no true love.
Think of all the couples you know…How did they begin? With a lightning-bolt of passion or a gentle hug in friendship?
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