The Three Things You Need Before You Start Dating by @breakupmermaid

Dating BREAKUP MERMAID
ask the experts The Three Things You Need Before You Start Dating by @breakupmermaid

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Dating can be a great experience for many but potentially difficult for others. Here’s three key things that you need to increase your chances of being successful in the dating world.

1) Healthy Levels of Self Esteem

Many people enter into relationships because they want someone to make them feel better about themselves. If they feel wanted, they will feel loved. The problem with this is that if someone’s  self-esteem is based on being in a relationship with someone, then if that person leaves their life then they can take their self-esteem with them and this is why it is so important to know your strengths before you start. In addition to this those with healthy self-esteem make better choices when choosing a partner. They avoid spending time with people who will have a detrimental effect on them as they are less needy. However those who have low levels of self-esteem are more likely to put up with poor partners as they don’t believe that they have any other options and they end up with fools rather than cools!

2) Your Own Life Outside of Dating

[quote align="right" color="#999999"]Another reason why having your own life is important is that you will have more to bring to conversations. A conversation can be pretty boring if only one person has something to contribute.[/quote] Many people venture into the dating world as they are feeling bored and lonely. In fact avoiding boredom and loneliness is a key reason why people stay in relationships that are well past their sell by date. If people venture into the dating world looking to relive their boredom and loneliness then yes they will relieve themselves of this but it may make them more needy. This neediness leads them to ignore warning signs that a relationship won’t work and then end up clinging onto someone who is not a good match for them for too long. Another reason why having your own life is important is that you will have more to bring to conversations. A conversation can be pretty boring if only one person has something to contribute. Having your own life also protects you from breakup trauma as the relationship is just one part of your life rather than the whole of your life so it means that the breakup is uncomfortable but not devastating

3) A Clear Picture of What Type of Relationship You Are Looking For

Different people use the dating scene for different reasons. Some want marriage, some want a long term relationship, some people want sex and some just want to meet more people for friendship. The problem is that people come to the dating scene presuming that other people want exactly the same things as they do and this can be a problem if there is a mismatch. If you are clear about what you actually want then it makes it a bit easier to work out if someone else wants the same thing as you do as the worst case scenario is if one person wants to get married and have kids and the other just wants sex. In this instance the person who wants to get married may feel used and deceived if they have sex and are then dumped, and the person who just wanted sex may fele confused and guilty at being accused of “using” someone. If you know what you want beforehand then your search will be more targeted and you will find someone who wants the same thing as you do and for those who don’t, you can wish them well and not see them again as there is not pointin pursuing the relationship if they want something different from you. This way you don’t waste your time and avoid getting hurt during the dating process

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Emma is a breakup coach and psychology teacher, who specialises in helping people either recover from a breakup or find a way to break free from an unhappy relationship. You can find her on twitter @breakupmermaid and her site http://www.thebreakupmermaid.co.uk.

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