As a dating coach, I often hear some version of this statement ~ “Just when I think I’ve found a good man, he disappears. I’ve given up on men. I’ve resigned myself to living alone.” My response? Don’t give up! There are definitely good men out there. So, why can’t you find one? Or if you found one, why can’t you hold onto him? You might be saying or doing something that’s killing his attraction (without even realizing it). And you might just benefit from a dating tune-up.
What’s a dating tune-up you ask? If you want your car to continue to run smoothly, you bring it in for scheduled tune-ups, right? How often are you doing the same for your dating? Do you take the time to reflect on what’s working and what’s not? Let’s take a step back and see what’s under the ‘hood’.
The 3 Things That Might be Killing His Attraction
1. You’re overeager. You’ve met a guy with great potential. It’s been such a long time since you’ve dated anyone who is articulate, kind, physically fit, smart, and funny, that you’re excited beyond belief. You want to talk to him every day. You want to text him in the morning, during work, and whisper sweet nothing to him over the phone before bed. You ‘friend’ him on Facebook. You can’t wait to get the relationship going. SLOW DOWN! If you are too enthusiastic and come on too strong, chances are he’ll perceive that as neediness and run the other way. Take a breath. If he’s a quality guy, you’ll want to take your time getting to know him. If you rush the relationship, you’ll run the risk of losing him. Good men are worth the wait. Savor the process. Anxiety is a relationship killer. Independence is sexy. Show him that you have a full life without him and sit back. Let him chase you!
2. Your inner critic is showing. ”Does this dress make me look fat?” “My body is beautiful? Oh, you probably say that to all the girls.” Stop it!! Even if you don’t believe him, learn to smile and say ‘thank you’ if he compliments you. He’s not analyzing your cellulite like you do. He doesn’t criticize your body like you do. Learn to love yourself more, and you’ll attract men who are magnetized to your confidence. The inner critic can derail even the most beautiful woman. What to do if that saboteur shows up? Practice noticing the critical voices, almost like a cloud floating by. Don’t let them penetrate you to your core. Just watch them float by. And then tell them to go take a hike while you get ready for your date!
3. Your attitude needs an adjustment. The most sexy thing about a woman is her positive attitude and the confidence that goes with it. If you’re telling him about the bitter arguments you had with your ex or the fight you had this morning with a co-worker, you’ll turn him off. It’s okay to share your whole life with your guy, but tread lightly, especially at the beginning of the courtship phase. Focus on the blessings in your life, and you’ll begin to attract more positivity into your life. So, the next time you’re about to tell your guy about that annoying thing your daughter did last night, stop and take a breath. Turn your attention on what’s working in your life, not on what’s draining you. You’ll become irresistible! I’m not saying that men never do annoying things, or that there aren’t some men who are unkind to women. That’s definitely part of the equation.
But you can’t control men. You only control yourself and your actions.
If you work on these three things, I guarantee you’ll bring more happiness, peace and well-being into your life. Soon, you’ll need to take out your spread sheet to keep track of all the wonderful men lining up to date you!
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