The Rules For Romance When You Have Roommates by @LaProvocateur

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[quote align=”right” color=”#999999″]I am independent, educated, successful…and, yes, I have roommates.[/quote]

I am a well-educated woman in my late-twenties.

I have a wonderful (and successful) career that I adore.

I am independent, responsible, and very much an adult (I promise).

And, yes, I live with roommates.

Like so many urban dwellers, I chose to live with roommates because, in an incredibly expensive city like San Francisco (right now, the average 1-bedroom will run you just shy of $1900/month), spending my hard-earned money on things like travel, dinners out, and cute shoes (as well as college loans, car bills, and credit card debt) is far more appealing than spending weekends inside barely scrapping by just so I can live alone. Plus, in the roommate lottery of life, I kind of lucked out. My apartment is fantastic, and my roommates (two guys, 1 girl, and 1 boxer pup) are pretty darn amazing, too. In fact, a close friend once compared my living situation to that on “The New Girl.” Not too shabby….

[quote align=”left” color=”#999999″]Having roommates meant no more hallway/kitchen/shower/sofa sex…and I didn’t know if I my libido was up for the challenge.[/quote] However, living with roommates was NOT a decision I took lightly. There was a lot to consider, and I mulled over making the switch at great length. However, romance was one of my main concerns, and I vividly remember debating the issue with one of my best friends. It all started with my declaring that roommates meant no more hallway/kitchen counter/shower/sofa sex…and that I wasn’t sure that, after years of sexual freedom, my libido was up to the challenge of containing my sexual shenanigans to nothing more than my bedroom.

Still, at the end of each month, I prefer having those extra bucks in the bank. That is why I am here to share my insights in to the world of romance while living with roommates. So, listen up, lovers. This lesson is important.

Roommates: The Rough Parts

“Bringing someone home” could mean introducing a relative stranger to a house full of people (unnecessary!) and a having a booty call can become public knowledge (awkward!). I am all but 100% certain that my roommates have heard me having sex, and I am absolutely positive I’ve heard them, too. Moans pass through walls, ass slaps reverberate down hallways, and post-sex stumbles to the bathroom are hard to disguise.

Plus, when your roommate situation crosses gender lines, things can get even more challenging. Temptation can lurk just behind the next door down, and jealousy can flare up during unstable times in a relationship is your significant other knows  that you live with people of the opposite sex. Whether you are in a stable relationship or single and playing the field, there is no shortage of romance rough patches when you live with roommates (imagine having a normal couple’s argument or an innocent booty call).

Roommates: The Rules

1. Never (EVER!) date/have sex/flirt with your roommates. Just like you wouldn’t dip your pen in the company ink, you should never fornicate with those co-habitat. Things can get messy. Trust me, you don’t want to go there. Keep your living situation harmonious by keeping it in your/their pants.

2. Keep it in your bedroom. It’s just plain rude (and unsanitary!) to have sex in common spaces. The thought of bare asses rubbing all over the sofa or bodily fluids being spread on the kitchen counters grosses me out to no end. To top it off, the thought of anyone else having sex in MY bed really pisses me off. Seriously, keep it in your own room.

[quote align=”right” color=”#999999″]As hard as it may be to stifle your moan, it’s even harder for your roommates to hear it while they eat their breakfast.[/quote]

3. Dial down the volume level. I am the first one to advocate carefree and enthusiastic sex. However, when your roommates are home, please keep your volume in check. No one besides your bedroom partner wants to know how badly you want it or what a dirty dirty boy they’ve been. Same goes for other sexual noises. Moaning, spanking, ball slapping, and mattress squeaking should be kept at a low volume. Play some music if you must or turn on the TV. Because, as painful as it might be for you to stifle your moan, it’s even harder for your roommates to have to hear it while they eat their breakfast.

4. Keep fights outside the apartment. ALL forms of drama should be kept out of cohabitation situations, and your couple’s quarrel should be no exception. Wait until no one else is home, take it outside, or at least keep it at a volume where no one else will notice. Your home is your sanctuary. Stress, tension, or anger should be banned.

5. Take FULL advantage of any and all alone time. Roommates all out for the night? Take advantage of it. In fact, in this situation, rule #3 flies straight out the window. As long as you are in your own bedroom, you can scream, spank, and shag to your heart’s content. Have at it. Go wild. Just be 110% sure that they are gone before you go all Fifty Shades of Grey on their ass….

What other rules do YOU have for romance while living with roommates? Have a horror story that you’d like to share? Spill, dearest readers. You KNOW I love a good story 😉


La Petite Provocateur

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True Tales of Love, Lust, and Lingerie. Open-minded and brutally honest oversharer with a weakness for sweet smiles, loud laughter, drive, passion, and tattoos. Oh, and a great ass never hurt, either. As a New England native who is now living the California dream, I have a great blend of East Coast and West Coast mentalities. And, while I am (happily) in a committed relationship nowadays, I have plenty of dating and relationship stories and insight to share. Check out my blog to read some oldies but goodies or, better yet, track me down on Twitter Twitter and Facebook to keep up with latest shenanigans. xoxo xoxo La Petite Provocateur


  • October 26, 2012


    Those are great rules!!