Dating multiple people at once might seem trashy to some but soon after my dive into online dating I found myself juggling men. I didn’t intend on becoming a player but it just sort of happened! I went out on multiple coffee dates; followed by a several dinner dates, and the next thing I knew I was the gangster of love! There was a point where I was brazenly dating 3 men simultaneously. However, when discussing this topic on a twitter chat , many of the participants shared a less rosy perspective to dating multiple people at once. Rather than assert my opinion on the subject as divine truth; I thought I could share with you The Good,The Bad and The {potential} Ugly of dating a choir of candidates at the same time!
Dating Multiple People : The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly…
The Good
Most everybody in the chat agreed that dating multiple people at one time does have its advantages! Ego boost, full social calendar, and honed dating skills all received honorable mentions by the twitter chat participants but the big granddaddy, gold star, chart topper was comparing/contrasting your dates to better grasp what you want or don’t want in a partner. Having a number of dates in a short period definitely streamlines the process of finding MR. OR Mrs. Right by being exposed to a larger number of possibilities. This is not to suggest your comparing specific people but rather overall character traits and when dating multiple people, the cream will eventually rise to the top {Thanks, @Maneaters for that one}.
The Bad
Like wine, cigarettes, and steak…anything delicious and fun can’t be all good for you. Some of the Tweeps on the chat had a more skeptical view of dancing with more than one partner. Dating fatigue, scheduling conflicts, detracting from finding a meaningful relationship, and sending mixed messages to your dates all made the list of pitfalls. However, the men in the chat had very few negatives about dating multiple people at once until I mentioned finances! Suddenly, men rallied to jump aboard the money train! It actually came as no surprise considering our chats participants {dirty, little minds… the lot of us} that the word ‘date’ quickly evolved to mean ‘having sex’;which then of course had the letters “STD” rolling-off everyone’s lips. My thoughts: If you’re going play, then use safety gear {i.e. condoms}, then does it really matter how your teammates roll or how many you roll with. None the less, all good points! Just because it wasn’t my pitfall doesn’t mean it can’t be hazard for someone else.
The Ugly
The participants on the Twitter chat were fairly positive about the subject of dating multiple people at once; even those who announced multi-dating wasn’t for them admitted minimal damage from opening-up the field. Prior to the chat I discovered that many believe that to date multiple people at the same time means that you’re commitment-phobic or emotionally unavailable. Then others suggest that multi-daters have low self-esteem issues. Ok, dating multiple men on rotation gave me a bit of an ego boost… the experience did not establish my ego! I don’t deny that people with low self-esteem, commitment phobias or emotionally unavailability issues self-medicate by being chronic multi-daters but to assume someone is damaged because they do seems a bit presumptuous.
The tweeps on the chat also mentioned heartbreak and jealousy as hazards. These hazards applied to those who assumed exclusivity from the first date! When I was out sowing my dating oats I never imagined that some dude I just met would put wild horse to pasture from the first date. I wouldn’t dare to presume I was his one and only after our first horizontal romp, either. Maybe I’m off my rocker on this but until the desire for commitment is clearly communicated; I feel it is safe bet that neither player has exclusive rights!
Bottom-line is that it doesn’t matter what the hell works for me or the tweeps on the chat; it only matters what works for YOU! If dating multiple people at a time makes you feel sleazy…don’t do it! I would like to offer two little tid-bits of friendly advice in case you do decide to try multi-dating:
1) Be discreet. Honesty is important but no need to advertise that they’re a contestant in your real-world version of the bachelorette/bachelor!
2) Be respectful. Don’t continue to take someone for a ride if they’re getting emotionally attached while they’re just something to fill your social calendar!
What do yo think about dating multiple people?
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