Do women need an emotional attachment before they can “do the deed”? Or has no-strings-attached sex become more popular among women? Let’s explore how ladies view hooking up.
Check Your Emotions at the Bedroom Door?
During a recent #SWEXPERTS chat, one of the male participants made a statement that women needed an emotional attachment in order to have sex, to which I strongly disagreed. Since I am not a typical woman when it comes to sex (ie I don’t have rules and hang ups as long as both parties are consenting adults) I decided to do a little research and poll female friends.
Upon Googling the topic and yielding over two million hits, it’s quite evident that this discussion isn’t a new one. Print and online magazines have been posing this very question for over a decade: Is it possible for women to check their emotions at the bedroom door and have emotionless, no-strings-attached sex like their male counterparts? Some articles claim that women are incapable of putting the emotional side of intimate encounters aside and simply engaging in the physical aspects of sex. Others, such as one in Psychology Today, argued that according to a recent study of 273 college students that, “though students perceive sexual desire to be equal in both men and women, they believed that women were just as capable as men of having no strings attached sex.”
As I casually polled female friends, I’d say the numbers were pretty evenly split. While most felt that women were perfectly capable of having sex in the absence of emotional attachment, a third of those women felt that such an attachment made sex more pleasurable.
Who Says That Feelings Make Sex More Pleasurable?! Act Like A Lady, Have Sex Like A Man!
Where did this assumption come from that women must have an emotional attachment of some kind in order to get down and dirty with a guy? And furthermore, who decided that men can have sex devoid of any and all emotion? I’ve had sex with more than one man who, once the deed was done, got all mushy on me and felt compelled to share his deepest feelings! Umm, I just want to either get up, get dressed and go home to my own bed or roll over and fall asleep.
And who decided that a woman who is capable of casual sex should be categorized as any one of a slew of mean and nasty names? I shared my thoughts with readers on this a while back. Why does this double standard exist where men can go around and nail anything with a pulse and it’s high fives and way to go’s all around, yet a woman exhibits the same behavior and she’s a whore? If she isn’t called names then they analyze her and assume that she must have low self-esteem or has been emotionally damaged in some way because no happy, healthy, adjusted woman could possible have a sexual encounter with zero emotion. Perhaps it’s men who have devised this myth about women because they simply can’t live with the fact that a woman could ever be capable of hooking up with them and walking away. It’s OK for them to view us as simply another notch on the bedpost, but it’s a shot to their tender ego if a woman looks at them the same way.
Emotional Attachment and Sexual Desire
According to a study in Huffington Post from earlier this summer, emotional attachment can grow out of sexual desire. They found that love and lust actually originate in the same part of the brain. Hmm, interesting. So does this mean that there is scientific evidence that hot, sweaty, lust-driven sex without the mushy love stuff is possible after all? According to the professor cited in the article, “Love is actually a habit that is formed from sexual desire as desire is rewarded” (Jim Pfaus, Huffington Post, 2012)
And there you have it kids: Sex is a physical need experienced by both sexes and does not require emotional attachments or love. Despite popular misconception, women are just as capable as men as men when it comes to engaging in no-strings-attached, lust driven sexual activities.
If we don’t love you in the morning, don’t take it personally guys. It’s just sex. And ladies, don’t be afraid to act like a lady and have sex like a man!