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It’s one thing to turn someone down for a date for logistical reasons, but what do you do if you are completely and totally not interested in a suitor on any level? This can be hard if you don’t want to look like the bad guy by rejecting someone right off the bat, but let’s be real…There are going to be times when you just aren’t going to be interested in certain singles who ask you out. For those times, here are some tips to respectfully decline an invitation for a date without totally devastating your suitor…

Rejection Excuse #1. You’re schedule is super busy.

This excuse is the most realistic and relatable because everybody has a million different work, social, and family obligations to attend to. Tell your suitor that you don’t have time to date right now because your schedule is booked solid for the next month or so. Just keep using that excuse until they stop trying, which will happen over time. They’ll get the idea.

Rejection Excuse #2. ‘You’re ‘taken.’

This one is used often because when most people learn that someone is taken, they consider that person ‘off limits.’ I’m personally not a fan of this one, partly because a lot of us have not mastered the art of the ‘poker face’, which means your suitor will see through your fib, making the rejection even more awkward. If you do decide to use the ‘I have a boyfriend/girlfriend excuse’, just make sure you do it convincingly.

Rejection Excuse #3. You’re not open to dating right now.

Be honest and say that you’re flattered, but not interested in dating, period. Suggest that you aren’t interested in a relationship at the moment because of a bad breakup or maybe because you simply seek unlimited ‘YOU’ time. Regardless of your reason for not wanting to date, your suitor is probably not going to want to navigate through the possible emotional firestorm you are implying that you are working your way through on this one. Though the absolute truth may be “You’re not in a place where you’re open to dating HIM OR HER right now”, the statement is still true even without making it personal.

Rejection Excuse #4. You’re not interested in your suitor.

This is the direct and personal version of Rejection Excuse #3 and should only be used if you are truly okay dealing with any reaction from your suitor. Especially if your suitor keeps pushing you to go out with him or her, this should stop him or her in their tracks. Sometimes the direct approach is the only thing that gets through to someone who’s persistent. This is generally used to combat the more aggressive suitor.

Though I encourage singles to try dating out of their comfort zone from time to time, I also think it’s better not to pursue some relationships if they would be leading someone on. This includes not giving out a fake phone number or giving your real number and ignoring your suitor’s call (that’s even more cruel because it gives your suitor false hope). Being able to say ‘no’ to a date or to anything else you’re not into is important so that you don’t end up doing things and dating people that don’t make you happy. These powerful ‘No’s’ will in turn lead you to the things and people who will make you want to say ‘Yes’ powerfully.

Hugs and love,
The Dating Advice Girl


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The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a dating expert, social life consultant, author, speaker and radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Over the past 6 years she has helped singles successfully navigate through the early stages of dating through her book, The Dating Guidebook (, over 100 dating-related articles for various lifestyle and dating sites, radio and TV segments and through her weekly radio show, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show on 99.3 KCLA FM (voted one of the Top 10 Best Dating Podcasts on the Web in 2013)! She has hosted singles events in and around Los Angeles, has participated in dating and self-help workshops and seminars, has gotten and given dating tips to celebs on at events and on red carpets and has collaborated with several television studios, production companies, and radio stations including WGN 720 AM in Chicago, 700 WLW in Cincinnati, and KHOW 630 AM in Denver. Find me on the WEB, FACEBOOK and TWITTER.

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