I love bookstores. Seriously. On any given weekend, you’re likely to find my scouring through my favorite San Francisco bookshelves hunting for my next read. You truly never know what you are going to find, and that’s the very best part. Case in point? Booty Food by Jacqui Malouf.
Yes, you read that right. Booty Food.
While browsing through my personal favorite bookstore on a recent weekend, I serendipitously stumbled upon an interesting looking hardcover book while sorting through the bargain book rack. Obviously, the quirky no-nonsense title caught my attention and, yes, it made me giggle, too. Booty Food. God, that’s got to be worth a quick peek.
So, I cozied up to a nearby bench and eagerly began flipping through the pages to see what it might have in store for me should I decide to take this delightful little ditty on home. First chapter I flipped to? “Chapter 7: Foods That Promote Round Two.” With a section in it boldly entitled “Cheese: Nature’s Viagra,” I was sold. I don’t even think I flipped around any further. I was in.
That night, I snuggled up at home in my favorite booty shorts and knee-high socks (yes, I’m a creature of habit) and got ready for a literary ride that even I wasn’t fully prepared for.
Essentially, this light read is based on the premise that food and sex are two primal urges that are best enjoyed simultaneously and is set up to correlate the various phases of a romantic relationship with the food adventures that define them. With chapters that delve in to everything from first-date eating out to first home-cooked meal together (monumental!) and has sections about using food in bed (appropriately entitled “Dessert’s On Me”) and how to prepare a “hooky nooky” snack (“Afternoon Delight,” anyone?) sprinkled in between. This book basically covers it all. Meeting-the-Friends food is very different from Meeting-the-Family food and suggestions for what food to prepare when all you want to do is hop back in the sack abound. Break-up food? They’ve got that covered, too.
But, beyond just the sexy sage advice that is contained on the pages of “Booty Food,” there are recipes, too. Yes, recipes. Complete with photos. If all of the talk about sex and food didn’t have you drooling while you read, the photos of these amazing recipes will. The “Post-Coital Lobster Eggs Benedict” look particularly fabulous. So does the “Grilled Lamb Chops with Shaved-Truffle Gnocchi.” But, if you are not as kitchen-savvy as the author (present company is included in that camp!), there are simple recipes for absolutely divine salads, tasty cookies and alcoholic beverages, too. Because, let’s be honest. Not everyone has the time to whip up a fancy feast when all the want to do is be whipped 😉
This book is literally a treasure trove of hilarious and hot information about dating, relationships, sex, and food. Conversations to avoid during your first dinner with “the parents” are brought up, the delicate challenge about doing the first key exchange are expertly handled, and fist date red flags are illustrated. Granny panties are even brought up in the chapter about getting cozy in a relationship…and they appropriately get banned, too. THANK THE LORD! What place do granny panties have in the wonderful world of love and sex? If Jacqui Malouf and I have any say in the matter, they wouldn’t!
Granny Panties even get discussed…and appropriately banned.
The author even goes so far as to explain what items you need in your kitchen to make your amorous dinners a thing of dreams. Cheeses are suggested. Wines are explained. Oysters are handled with the expert care they deserved. I mean, when I say that this books has it all, I mean it!
Seriously, I finished reading and felt a little sad. I wanted to keep going. What happens next? What else do you have for me? Keep it coming…. It was like getting to the end of reading any epic novel. It leaves you sad that it ended and yearning for more, but grateful for the knowledge gained.
Truly, if I could buy a copy of this book for everyone woman in the world, I would. I would even tie it up with a nice little red bow, and leave it on the doorsteps of unsuspecting strangers so that I could watch their faces light up and flush with giddy excitement while they turn the pages. And, if only I could peek in on the salacious activities that unfold after taking a few tips and tasty recipes from “Booty Food.” Counter sex? Yes, please. With a side of warm chocolate syrup and whipped cream? Who am I to say no?