We’ve had a Dating Chat (#SWEXPERTCHAT) recently about this topic … and it made me really think. How do we really know? What is love and what is lust … I was left with a lot of questions. Sometimes we think we’re in love but really, it’s lust … or our lust leads us to the love of our life.
Defining Love and Lust
Love: An intense feeling of deep affection
Lust: Very strong sexual desire
I found an article online by psychiatrist Dr. Judith Orloff about this that really made me question my own concepts of love and lust. She says that “intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people”. I can definitely agree with that! She goes on to say that “in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all”. We’ve all definitely been there before haven’t we? But how do we really know? Dr. Orloff goes on to categorize love and lust as the following:
SIGNS OF LUST
- You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
- You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
- You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
- You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning. You are lovers, but not friends.
SIGNS OF LOVE
- You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
- You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
- You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
- He or she motivates you to be a better person.
- You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.
Do Love And Lust Have To Be Mutually Exclusive?
OK, so we’ve all been there. We have mistaken lust for love. We thought we were in a potential relationship when in reality it was all passion. Don’t get me wrong, passion and those lusty beginnings of a relationship are great, but as long as you don’t mistake it for something else. Lust could potentially lead to love, but, it doesn’t always. You need to be realistic and realize things for what they are. We tend to see things the way we want to see them, not necessarily the way they really are. I am certainly guilty of that! Sometimes I wonder if love is worth all the trouble at all!
Just be careful and listen to your instincts, if something doesn’t feel right, then it’s probably not. But don’t forget that dating and searching for your special someone should be fun and exciting AND passionate … so have fun!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva