He has commitment issues –>you know you’ve said it more than once about more than one guy to your girlfriends during morning-after brunch. Maybe you’ve even go so far as to confess that you have commitment issues of you own. Or maybe you should. And if you do, you have good reason: commitment is scary.
Frankly, when it comes to things in my life, I’ve never had a problem committing. Whether it was violin in the 2nd grade, fencing in high school, or German after college, whatever I’ve decided is worth my time, interest, and energy has received them all, wholeheartedly. I can safely say the same applies to friends and causes. I cannot safely say the same for romantic relationships.
Why? If I find it so easy to give my heart and soul to something that makes me feel good, like my morning fitness routine, why is it so much harder to commit myself to someone that makes me feel good?
The obvious answer is, they’re not the same thing. Fair enough. But here’s something — being committed to a person means guaranteeing them a place in your calendar.
Friends are forgiving. If a few months go by between a girls’ night out, no problem. Lives are busy and you’ve got years of history to vouch for your devotion. But a romantic partner? Not so forgiving. If you love me, you’ll make time for me — that’s the way we all feel. If you love me, I’ve got dibs on your time.
When you’re used to being single, when you’re used to living by your own schedule, learning to coordinate with someone else is a challenge. In fact it’s a little daunting. How do you make your boo understand that you just can’t see them this month — you’re out of the country, and they can’t come with you?
But like most things, once you get going, it gets easier. Relationships are about compromise and understanding. So, if you do want to be committed to each other, you learn how to make time for each other. It may mean more cups of coffee than big romantic weekend excursions or dinner dates, but there’s nothing wrong with that. And besides, making time in your life for the one you’re learning to love is just one important step on the road to becoming a “we”…. and isn’t that just what we’re all after.
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