Newly Single? Now What? by @MarriageDr

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It happens to everyone. You’re sailing along smoothly in a meaningful relationship and then next thing you know, you find yourself single.  Sometimes it’s expected, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s your choice. Sometimes it’s not.

Whatever the reason, you’ve recently found yourself single. Now what?

You may want to complain about what a jerk your ex is for breaking up with you like that. I mean did they really use the ‘it’s not you, it’s me line’ on you? What a jerk! Are they really now dating that ‘friend’ of theirs that you knew they had something for? You knew it all along, didn’t you? Well, forget about it! Stop re-hashing the past. And stop complaining about your ex, too. Both will do you no good.

Rehashing the past as well as complaining about your ex is what people like to call ‘baggage’.  It’s not very attractive and it’s not helping you get any dates anytime soon, either. To get over this ‘baggage’ you’ll first have to come to terms with the hurt and anguish that naturally comes from any breakup. It’s okay to admit it. You really do feel hurt from the breakup. Even if your relationship was rocky at the end, there were still good things about it that you’ll miss. There’s friends you won’t see as much anymore, places you won’t visit as much and a whole lot more extra time on the niights and weekends that you don’t want. Stop fighting it and admit that your breakup hurt. Even if it was just little.

There. Now that you’ve come to terms with the breakup and let go of all that ‘baggage’ (which I’m sure you were able to do all at once after just reading the last couple paragraphs), it’s time to look ahead.

What are you going to do now?

The worst thing you can do is jump into another relationship right away. Remember that ‘friend’ your ex started dating right after the breakup? Well, the joke is on them now because that’s called a ‘rebound relationship’ – which we all know never work out. You took the better path, you came to terms with your breakup and sorted yourself out before looking for a great relationship again.

Or have you? Have you really sorted yourself out? Being single is the perfect time to work on you. Remember those hobbies that you stopped doing because you couldn’t find the time? What about those old friends you lost touch with because you just got too busy? Are you still any good at those old hobbies? Do you even still like those old friends?  Being single is a perfect time to revisit your hobbies, friends or whatever else fell by the wayside and see if they’re still important to you or not.

Remember, people change – and so do you. Over the course of your old relationship you may have found new parts of you that you didn’t know existed. You may have found new places you like, new past times you enjoy. But you’re only familiar with these in the context of being in a relationship. What are they like now that you’re single? Being single is a great way to explore yourself, get to know yourself and become more comfortable in your own skin. In fact, this is probably the best thing you can do for yourself while you’re single.

There’s no need to rush into a relationship again. What’s the point? You’re just fine being you who are and doing what you do. As you explore yourself and get to know yourself better, someone will come along who is absolutely fascinated with you (they should be. You’ve done a lot to improve yourself). This creates a strong basis for a relationship and before you know it, voila! You’re in new, improved relationship and you’re a better, stronger person too. What a great way to start a relationship!


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My name is Aaron Anderson and I am a relationship and marriage counselor. I help singles and couples to find, create and enrich their relationships into the fun, passionate and vibrant relationships they always wanted. I distribute this wealth of knowledge through exceptional channels such as the website you're now on, through my blog The Relationship Rx ,on my Clinic's Facebook Page and on Twitter under the name @MarriageDr


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