Ever since the movie “The Bucket List” people have been talking about things they want to do before they die. Ok, I’m sure people talked about this before the movie, but there’s nothing like some mainstream cinematic influence to get people inspired. I’ve always had a running list of things I want to do before I die, but after my divorce, I came up with a different type of bucket list. The realization that I almost spend the rest of my life sleeping with the same man and having really boring scared me. There were so many things (and people!) I hadn’t experienced yet.
You can call it a sexual awakening, or finding someone who actually knew what they were doing, but after I left my ex, I made a list of all of types of people I wanted to get to know (in the biblical sense) before I died. I repurposed Socrates’ claim that, “An unexamined life is not worth living” to keep my focus…and to feel better about the fact that I was more focused on having amazing sex than climbing the Himalayas before I kicked the bucket. Ancient Greeks were rumored to have mass orgies, anyway, so I figured Socrates wouldn’t mind me liberally construing his words.
I’ve already crossed some of these off my list and gave myself bonus points for doubling or tripling the criteria on a couple of them. As much fun as it would be to cross each of these men off my list separately, I don’t want to put too many notches on that bedpost!
THE FUCKET LIST
- One night stand—I know, I know, how can someone get through university and most of their 20’s without a one night stand?
- Cowboy–There’s something about a southern drawl and a cowboy hat that makes me weak in the knees. I will also lay blame on the countless romance novels I read the summer I got divorced.
- Firefighter–They’re strong and sexy…and the dirty talk is just too easy for this one. How often can you tell your friends, “He put out my fire with his big hose” ?
- Foreigner–As if hearing him say your name in a foreign accent isn’t sexy enough, the sweet nothings of gibberish he whispers into your ear will tip the scales. Bonus points for shouting God’s name in another language!
- DILF–Comparable to a MILF, the super sexy, super hot and likely super douche Dad who you’d love to practice making babies with…but never actually make a baby with!
- Pilot–Bonus points for the Mile High club!
- Skinny tattooed man–Like Adam Levine. The kind of man your mom would Mother wouldn’t approve of, unless she likes skinny tattooed men or is my mother and loves Adam Levine!
- Older Man–The sexy salt and peppered type. Like George Clooney but not as hot (obviously because who is?). Bonus points if he drinks scotch and smokes cigars!
- Rich Man–This might be #8, the Older Man, or maybe he’s just some schmuck who loves to blow his money on fancy dinners and jewelry for you.
- Revenge–The type of man who your ex would flip out if he found out you ever slept with. He may look like your ex but hotter, have an attribute your ex was self conscious about (think washboard abs or amazing hair) or look like your ex’s best friend?
Do you have a Fucket List?