Back in April, I started communicating with a pastor from a neighboring town. There was just one thing, however, that was weird about our communications: it was through a dating website.
Everything about him—the fact that he was in his twenties, well educated, had gone to a 4-year University and then to Harvard for his masters—was normal and appropriate for a dating website other than his occupation. I mean, that’s weird right?
In his first email he mentioned that he just moved to the area and had accepted an associate pastor position for a church in Nowheresville, Texas, and then mentioned the program that he was in charge of and asked me a few questions. What he didn’t realize is that he gave me way too much information in the first email. I was able to find him in less than 2 minutes through a Google search.
As it turned out, he is real, and his credentials were accurate. He also is supposedly very well known in certain groups and organizations around the world and he even has a YouTube page.
So, I decided to write him back. And it just so happened that I let curiosity get the best of me, and I asked him why, as a pastor, was he on a dating website. His response was that “Pastors need a little lovin’ too.”
We communicated back and forth for almost 3 weeks through the website until one day he didn’t respond.
Only three weeks later he responds, and said that he has been, “having to make transitional decisions that have really taken up a lot of [his] time.”
After this excuse he continues to ask me a few questions as if there was no pause in our conversation. I asked a few of you over twitter and email what I should do: email him back or not. Normally responding to his email would be breaking the cardinal rules of online dating.
Nevertheless, thanks to everyone’s responses and encouragement, I wrote him back. I made the email short and sweet, but I also included a portion where I was a little more transparent with him than normal.
Here’s what I said: “While it was great to hear from you, I’ll have to admit that I almost didn’t respond.” I continued with my reasoning and then explained to him why I assumed he wasn’t interested and then answered his questions.
He then responded with two emails: one email asked if he could take me out to dinner. I responded with my cell phone number and told him that I was looking forward to hear from him. But I never did hear from him, and I don’t think he’s going to make the effort.
Most likely he thinks that since he’s a Pastor, I’m not good enough for him… or that he’s too good for me. Either way they both mean the same thing and my response is still the same: I will continue to push myself to be better with or without you.
All in all, here’s what I learned:
Just because a person has a specific occupation, it doesn’t make them any different than the person next to them. Even if that person has a fantastic resume, if the rest isn’t there: courage, confidence, respect, etc., it’s not going to be worth it in the long run.
Also, rejection, in any form, can be such a good thing! This was the first guy to reject me through online dating and the first guy to reject me since my dating hiatus. But, that’s another topic for another day!