The Jewish Valentine’s Day, Tu Be’Av, is coming up and I thought I would share with you something that happened way back in February. Maybe it is a bit long, but bare with me.
After countless dates and many let downs, I had met someone. She had a bad day at work and needed to unwind. Haven’t we all had those? My strong broad shoulders looked very inviting to her. Very protecting. This poor lady seemed so helpless and sad; I just let her snuggle into my shoulder. Am I not allowed to enjoy it as well? Shush, don’t tell her that. We started dating. And it was great! Felt so right! So comfortable! With Valentine’s Day approaching at warp speed, I realized that for the first time for a very long time, I was going to be with someone for Valentine’s Day.
I had never thought much of Valentine’s Day. I always looked at this day as a marketing ploy. You get to give your loved one a box of chocolates, flowers or some lovely getaway. There are a plethora of people eager to assist you in parting with your money so that you can enjoy a single night and then wonder where you spent your money. So you live on bread and water for the rest of the month, but at least you had one great night. Marketing is great! I always felt like Ebeneezer Scrooge, probably because I had no one to share it with. OK, wrong holiday, but “Bah humbug” still seemed to fit. Being single and male, I always looked at this, as another day.
In retrospect, instead of being on my own on Valentine’s Day, I should just have gone into a bar, knocked an appealing lady over the head with my club and dragged her back to my cave. In the morning when she awoke out of her concussion, I would pop the question, “Will you be my Valentine?” Why did they change the protocols of the dating game? Much easier in those days! I think there are laws in place today so that I cannot introduce that practice. Some women wear their hair short; so I cannot drag them by their hair. Is that intentional? Are you allowed to walk into a bar with a club? This Valentine was going to be different. I had someone. So I dared to make plans!
I ordered a romantic couple massage, followed by champagne at sunset and numerous other indulgences suitable for any Roman emperor, spending more money than I wanted to or should have. Perhaps I will live on bread and water until Easter. Hey, this babe was worth it to me. Or maybe I was infatuated with the spirit of the special day and its perceived meaning. I have no idea what the meaning of this day really is; its true meaning lost in time and space and we are now just left with marketing. But hey, it works! It worked on me! I was into the holiday spirit, hook, line and sinker. Am I not allowed to be a romantic?
I never said anything to my babe about the idea. Have to live up to my super power, the mighty MysteryMan.
A few days ago we spent a great weekend together and all was great; the butterflies in my stomach signifying the beginning of something. I had forgotten what that felt like. You remember the Carpenters song from the 1970s, “Such a feeling’s coming over me…” That is what it was like. How quickly we forget that feeling! It is actually addictive. You just want to go to the top of a roof and start singing at the top of your voice, totally out of tune. If you were in tune, Randy Jackson would have put you on American Idol or something similar. But as you sing, the men in the white coats are called in, because some neighbor thinks you are nuts. Of course you are nuts if you are singing on a roof at 3am in the middle of winter. You should be asleep!
The next day she called me “Lawrence, this is not working out for me. Good bye!” WTF? Excuse me. Did I hear right? Is April Fool here already? Error, error, error, must reboot. What went wrong? She is not returning my calls. Seemed so final! Of course it is not me, it is her! Was this a CIA mind experiment on me? I miss her so much. Wait a minute; shouldn’t she pay for half the Valentine’s Day entertainment? I guess not.
Shall I walk into a bar and grab a woman and tell her what I have planned for us for Valentine’s Day? Are you nuts? In these days of feminism I will probably be beaten up by a lady with a black belt in some obscure martial art such as Silat Melayu or Tai Chi. I am not that creepy, although I have been called a creep.
I sold the package deal to a guy from work. He was so excited as he had no idea how to be romantic. Maybe I should not have overcharged him? He will probably get sex that night, so he should be thanking me. Oh, I miss her so much.
There was no warning or anything about the demise of a brief but great relationship. Maybe I should add that as a male, I had probably missed the signals. In a poem by Lord Tennyson, there are the following two lines:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
As most of who have loved someone and lost out realize, heart break is real pain. Is it better to have loved and lost? Of course it is. We just need to get up and shake it off and sing “Always look on the bright side of life.” I have to be more careful when singing; those men in white coats are eyeing me suspiciously.
Tu Be’Av is coming up, will I be with someone or enjoy it with the people in white coats?
Get out and date, my friends!
Lawrence
Check out my book “Kill Me Now!” available on Amazon.
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