I’ve been dating now for close to 15 years and have been a sex & relationship blogger for almost 3 of those years. Over the course of my journey, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and love in general. For my first post as a #SWEXPERT, I thought it would be fun to share some of personal “love lessons.”
1. “Like attracts Like.” My Mom has this saying “build your own happy life, on your own terms. Eventually you’ll attract someone who has also built their own happy life and you guys can be happy together” – she’s a wise woman. If you’re happy with your life and yourself, you’re more likely to attract people who are on the same page (and recognize those who aren’t). The converse is true: If you’re full of negativity you’re going to attract the same. I’m a firm believer that you get back from the Universe whatever you put out there.
2. Don’t make someone a priority so that you can be their option. There were so many times in my late teens and early 20′s where I put all my money on these “almost relationships” that I was wrapped up in. You know the kind where you’re like “We’d be so happy if he’d only figure out want he wants/call me/ show up/ leave his girlfriend” Don’t prioritize people who don’t prioritize you. The right person will be sure of you. As for the rest of them, just walk away. You deserve to be in a relationship that’s respectful and fulfilling.
3. People will tell you who they are, it’s up to you to tune in and listen. I no longer believe in “mixed messages.” If someone walks like a jerk, talks like a jerk, they are most likely a jerk. If someone isn’t calling you, texting you or respecting you – the message is clear: they’re not really interested in being with you. Listen to what people say and pay attention to their actions.
4. Contrary to what chick flicks will lead you to believe, a relationship won’t magically solve all your problems. Finding “The One” isn’t going to make you better looking, solve your debt problems, rid you of your insecurities or turn your life into the life you want. Expecting someone else to change your life is not only a huge responsibility, it’s unrealistic. If you have issues you need to sort out, bringing someone into the equation is most likely only going to exacerbate things.
5. Pack light. Make room for “new.” I’m a self-diagnosed recovering “emotional hoarder.” Instead of hoarding old cereal boxes, out-dated Christmas decorations and newspapers, I’ve been guilty of hoarding hurt, guilt, feelings of longing and the aftermath of break-ups. This is the kind of stuff that can really drag you down and prevent you from moving forward. We all hurt and feel pain. It’s important to acknowledge it, deal with it but then move on. Write about it. Paint about it. But then, let it go. Letting go of all the negative crap, makes room for new, positive things to enter your life.
(If you’re struggling with “emotional hoarding” don’t be afraid to talk to a professional about it. Talking to a counsellor seriously changed my life.)
6. Work on you. Do what you love. This all goes back to lesson #1 – Never estimate the power of working on your own personal development. Life is full of awesomeness. Take that Yoga class you’ve always wanted to take. Learn new things. Travel. Explore. Nurture your friendships. Dance. Write. Create. Eat well. A relationship shouldn’t be seen as a destination but more like the cherry on top of an already delicious sundae that is your life.
What have you learned from dating and relationships?