Why it just might be a good idea…
I’m not sure there’s such a thing as being a pro at breaking up, but if there is, I might qualify. Because I date non-monogamously, I’ve been able to fit lots more relationships, along with lots more breakups, into my fifteen years of dating. So let me give you a little bit of dating advice, since I’ve noticed a few trends over the years.
The older and more experienced I (and my partners) get, the easier breaking up is, of course. It’s easier to talk about why because we know ourselves better; it’s less nervewracking to bring up because we’ve done it a few times before; it’s easier to accept because we’ve learned our lessons about “making it work” from previous attempts. Breaking up also seems to happen earlier in a relationship – which probably has to do with knowing more about we do and don’t want and can and can’t tolerate in a partner.
Most interestingly though, I’ve noticed that more often than not, my breakups these days contain an additional component – the breakup sex. Whether or not I am the breakup-er or the breakup-ee, we usually wind up naked together one last time. Before you tell me all the reasons why it’s not a good idea, let me tell you why I think it’s more than appropriate and maybe even smart.
By slipping between the sheets with your partner one last time before you split for good, you’re giving the relationship a sense of closure that’s just lacking otherwise. Instead of thinking, “I wish I could’ve held her just one more time,” or “I wish I’d committed that thing he does with his tongue to memory,” you’ll have a chance to settle those pangs once and for all. Knowing it’s your last time together can make sex all the more sweet and tender, or can really fan the flames of passion. A few of my experiences with breakup sex have turned out to be some of the best sex of the relationship!
Having sex one more time as your goodbye to each other also lets both of you end the relationship on a high note, rather than a sour disagreement being the last memory you have of your time together. When I page back through my exes, the ones I remember most fondly are the ones who I spent an extra hour with, consummating the breakup, so to speak.
Please note that I’m not advocating ongoing sex with the ex – that’s never a good idea, for obvious reasons. Yet my dating advice to you is: as adults, we can choose to end our relationships however we please. For me, that involves closing the open loops and leaving things in a good place. And what better way to do that than with a last horny hurrah?