I’m sitting on my doorstep, watching the kids across the road playing and my hot neighbour gardening. Smoking a rolled cigarette, I think to myself; firstly, why do I do this when I don’t actually enjoy it; and secondly, I don’t know what to do about anything. I’m stuck.
Obviously when I think about it in simple terms it’s easy. Just do what you want to do. But I don’t know what I want to do. My long term goals are there but how do you reach them? What are the steps. What is the initial step?
Some posts have been about getting on with it, dating people and having a brilliant time, some on how I don’t want to get hurt and most recently about on going on a dating strike. Which has happened. I haven’t been on any dates for weeks but I have been talking to some men on a certain dating site beginning with a P. They are actual men who don’t use txt spk and don’t talk about sex in the first few messages.
But… Every time one of them mention the prospect of meeting up. My fingers freeze on the keyboard. I don’t reply for that little while longer. Never saying; Yes let’s meet up, go for a drink and see what happens.
Before I was well up for it but now… The thought of meeting a virtual stranger makes me nervous. I don’t mean good nervous like before an interview you’ve been preparing for. I mean scared nervous! As in. OMFG nervous. What the hell has brought this on?
It can’t be the stress of my personal life because I don’t stress easily. I’m WAY too laidback for that craziness. Ask @HayleyAllen.
Something has changed though and I don’t what or where it’s come from. I think that is what is worrying me more. I don’t stress. I worry. And now, I feel… stuck.
Until next time (when I’ve figured this all out)