The more I go out the more horrified I am at some of the fashions I am seeing men sport. I’m aware that girls like different styles and looks on men but if you are over the age of 30 and looking for a woman, then please trust my advice. You are NOT on the Jersey Shore and you cannot recapture your youth by dressing younger; you just look ridiculous. On the flip side of the coin wearing your pants around your nipples and knee high socks isn’t going to get you laid either.
Unless you have light sensitivity so extreme you require dark lenses then take the damn shades off when you get indoors! You look like an absolute jackass and in no way is it appealing to women. Along the same sunglass line of thinking I’m anti sunglasses as a necklace or on the back of your head like you have eyes in the back of your head! You do this and you are a total tool!
*Acceptable places to put your shades when indoors include on the table, hanging from your shirt, or on the top of your head and that is it!
I don’t want to talk to, date, and certainly not sleep with a man who is rocking man jewelry. There is nothing sexy about pink rings, bracelets, chains (unless it is a cross) and other bling. Honestly I’m past thinking earrings on a man I sexy. In general leave the jewelry at home. One ring is acceptable but even they can look ridiculous unless you can carry off a thumb ring (which few men can). Even Collin Farrell and Johnny Depp can barely get away with this look and that is saying something so please take note.
For the love of all things sacred take off your damn socks. I get it; you have man feet, but get a damn pedicure and leave the socks at home. I do not want to see you in sandals with socks on. This includes those guys who want to look like they just came from playing sports (we all know you didn’t) and wear socks with their Adidas sandals. You look ridiculous!
We are not in Europe (unless you are of course) but I can promise you that I’m not drooling over your fabulous body if I’m horrified by the fact that you are wearing a Speedo. I do not want to see the outline of your flaccid junk while relaxing on the beach (and the stiffer version isn’t appealing to me either whilst sun bathing). Even if you have the body for it I honestly still don’t want to see you in one!
Just stick to the board shorts or something lose fitting. Low slung on the hips only if you are rocking that sexy V but not if it’s riding below your gut. Also important for beach wear, do NOT over product and gel your hair, the oil slick down your back when you sweat or get it wet is nasty! Please see the ‘no socks and sandals’ rule as well.
I’ll keep it simple for now, but I’m sure I’ll have some more of these great tips for you when I get back from my vacation. I am hoping to not have my eyes assaulted but I am wise enough to know they will be. Also, before I hear a bunch of crap, YES women have fashion offenses too, but this is a post about the gentlemen out there…there will be another time and place for that post. We want a man who is comfortable but are you REALLY comfortable in your Speedo, with your sweaty sock covered feet, weighed down in the water by chains, and looking for your shades like an ass when they’re on the back of your head? I think not! Trust me on this one, guys.