If you’ve been following along in my recent dating adventures, you’ve probably noticed a few
things. For starters, I have quite a few of them to speak of. You may have also noticed that I enjoy kissing. A LOT. No denying it. But, more importantly, you may have also noticed that, in the course of these adventures in dating, I haven’t always made wise choices. Yes, I admit it. I’ve made some pretty big mistakes. I’ve kissed some real toads (I’ll let you take a guess there, dear readers!) and I’ve perhaps even portrayed myself to others in a manner that is not only unflattering, but also quite a bit untrue.
The most prominent example, recently, is the number of dear readers that have commented that my perspective on dating (namely, having multiple “pots” going at once) makes me sound slutty. Which is interesting because my “number” is really quite low (by anyone’s standards, really) and, of all of my recent “pots,” I’d only slept with one and had zero intentions of sleeping with any others. Because, while I believe in dating in multiples until your heart and mind can agree on just one, I also believe that sex can complicate that matter. Dating in multiples and sleeping around are two entirely different things.
Overall, though, it has been interesting to get readers’ feedback regarding how they perceive me. Because, for as confident and independent as I am, I actually get my feelings hurt quite easily. So, in all honesty, all of this talk regarding my dating life and how others might perceive me has really gotten me thinking: am I what I kiss? In other words, has kissing around and engaging with some “dirty birdies” made me a dirty bird myself?
Now, I’m going to be honest here. I am NOT claiming to be squeaky clean. I mean, I’m most certainly not a missionary-only, sex-with-a-tee-on, blushing damsel in distress. But, I’m also not some sort of leather-clad, chains and whips wielding crazy sex dominatrix, either. Truly, if we’re being totally honest, I think I’m quite ordinary when it comes to my sexual behaviors. I mean, I believe in toys and masturbation. I think sex and passionate desires are not only healthy, but necessary for living a full life and building lasting intimate relationships. But, whenever I’ve gotten to the topic of “kinks” or “weirdest thing I’ve ever done in bed” type topics, I always come to the very same conclusion: I am utterly…normal! Nothing weird or shameful going on over here.
I suppose that, from reading my blog, you might assume I’m sleeping around (I’m not), making men pay for everything (I don’t), or even unfocused in my quest for love (I disagree). But, when it comes to dating (and life, really), perception is everything. And, while I admit that I’ve made some mistakes, I certainly don’t believe that they define me. In fact, I think it’s downright awful to judge someone solely on their pasts or, even worse, or portions of their past. Yes, it’s helped shape who I am. But, I am so much more than a string of tequila-soaked bad decisions and late-night basorexia attacks. Trust me.
So, in an effort to take this bit of insight in to how others perceive me and turn it in to something positive and productive, I’ve been putting a great deal of thought and effort in to taming my wild ways (though certainly not lose them) and focus more clearly on acting like a Queen…so I can better attract my King. And, while this Queen may come with a little “edge,” I am 100% certain that my King will have a few tricks up his sleeve, too.
In the process of focusing on what it is I really want from a relationship (and doing away with all the rest!), I have gone back to something my father told me while I was home this past Christmas. He told me that, while I may be strong and independent and luxury-loving, I shouldn’t be afraid of my blue-collar roots and some of the traditional values that it represents. In other words, my dad was telling me to stop dating what I think I deserved or what I thought was “sparkly and shiny and new” and focus on dating people who have similar values and goals as myself. And, finally, I’m starting to see what he’s talking about. I don’t want a man with “swag” or status, I deserve a man who will treat me right. Plain and simple.
And, with the recent introduction of Mr. Irish Eyes in to my life, I am finally understanding what my father meant. He’s incredibly hard-working (construction) and close with his family (important to me). He calls (on the phone!) when he says he’ll call. He plans thoughtful and meaningful but decidedly no-frills dates. He picks me up (in a cab) for dates and drops me off (in a cab) afterwards to make sure I get home safely. He walks on the street side of the sidewalk so that I’m “safe” (old-school charm!). He checks in via text while we are both working just to say hello and see how my day is going. And, most important of all, he only kisses me when I know he means it.
In short, Mr. Irish Eyes has been nothing short of a total and complete gentleman. And, I’ve been nothing but a lady, too. We didn’t kiss right away, and the most physical we’ve gotten outside of a few innocent and meaningful kisses is some hand holding. I’m being authentic and allowing myself to be vulnerable, and neither of us is rushing a single thing. But, I cannot WAIT to take him out and plan an entire date just for him, and I genuinely get butterflies when his name appears on my cell phone. The result of this change of perspective and bit of clarity, dearest readers? For the first time in a very long time, I feel…hopeful. And happy.
This could be the beginning of something truly special….
La Petite Provocateur