When Sex is All There Is: Can a Relationship Be Built on Nookie? by @DirtyInPublic

when sex is all there is

Sex matters for a successful relationship

We all know that sex, and sexual compatibility, are necessary for a successful relationship, but what if great nookie is all you have? Then what? Can hot, steamy, blow-your-mind sex carry a relationship or is it that just a wet dream?

Sex was the only interesting thing about him

I had met someone I wasn’t physically attracted to but an overall nice guy. After several dates, iStock 000015193415XSmall When Sex is All There Is: Can a Relationship Be Built on Nookie? by @DirtyInPubliche made a move and I went for it. Most people have a sexual card down their pants and his was tantric! Having never been with someone who had lasted several hours {without the aid of the little blue pill} I was impressed…and exhausted! However, after a month or so it became clear that his moves in the sack were the only reason I went back. Sex was the only interesting thing about him. He wasn’t a bad guy, just boring. When the clothes were on, my mind shut off. We didn’t have much in common and when we weren’t having sex, time stood still…and not in a good way. At this point, you may be thinking, what’s the problem? The problem was the view; from his vantage point he saw ‘relationship’, from mine I saw ‘f*ck buddy’. I started to mull over the situation from his viewpoint. What did he see that I didn’t? Perhaps I filed him too quickly. Sweeping aside my initial thoughts, I opted to see if a relationship could bloom from sex. I was sincere in my endeavor and genuinely tried to take pleasure in his company. We spent more time together with our clothes on; hitting the town before rolling in the hay. After each date I checked for a sign; a little sprout of affection shooting up from my lukewarm feelings.

Unfortunately, the only thing that grew was the weed of apathy. I just couldn’t do it any longer, the sex was good but not worth the effort. Plus in reality it wasn’t fair to him. The guy really liked me. His view of our relationship remained sunny and actually became rosier with each date. Furthermore, because of his feelings for me I knew that a casual sex relationship would never work. My experiment failed and the next step was clear; I had to break-up.  While I drove home after giving him the bad news, I wrangled with the feeling of being a bitch for dumping an otherwise nice guy. Suddenly validation for my decision washed over me when the only sentiment I had post break-up was relief that it was over but damn I’m going to miss the sex!

Sex and sexual compatibility are requirements for a happy, sustainable relationship; otherwise, you’re just friends or roommates. However vital sex is, in no way is it a foundation you can build a relationship on. There is a point where you have to put your clothes on and actually talk to each other! It’s great to be with someone and it’s all about the nookie but don’t fool yourself into believing it’s a relationship, because it’s not. Sex is good, sex is great, but sex isn’t enough to make a relationship grow.

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Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating,sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants! You can read more on her website, Dirty In Public , Follow her on Twitter , Pin her on Pinterest , and Like her on Facebook

12 Comments

  • Reply May 5, 2012

    Ms. Cheevious

    Hmmm. a weed of apathy, ehhhh? I say get out the weed killer, and have more FUN… Oh – OKAY – maybe it isn’t quite fair to keep a guy hanging (or bulging) when you can’t really stand his company. But if he is bearable, then I say – STICK with it! LOL

    • Reply May 5, 2012

      Marrie

      That’s the thing Ms.Cheevious…my libido said it was all good and don’t stop a good thing! But then my conscious started yapping; saying it wasn’t fair to him…blah, blah, blah! I guess it boils down to I’m a nice girl {Shhh, don’t tell.It’ll ruin my dirty rep} who didn’t want to hurt the guy.

      • Reply May 5, 2012

        Singles Warehouse

        I love that you are a ‘good girl’ really!

      • Reply May 7, 2012

        Ms. Cheevious

        I suppose there is a time and season for both. I’ve had my pesky conscience get in the way before too… most often, actually… (pinky swear no narc-ing on me)… but once in a lifetime there is that time when we move with reckless abandon, and that’s what I was going for… LOL

    • Reply May 5, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      Living up to your name there – Ms. Cheevious – I love it!

  • Reply May 5, 2012

    Lisa Jey Davis

    Nope. Been there, done that. Tried and tried. Great sex is great, but all the other time is more important!!

    • Reply May 5, 2012

      Lisa Jey Davis

      Only because toward the end of our lives, we spend less and less time in the sack, and need to want to be around that person! LOL

      • Reply May 5, 2012

        Marrie

        And that’s the whole thing of trying to build a relationship from sex, the more we talked, the more uninterested in him I became! Even if I did stick around I don’t think it would’ve lasted much longer because my lack of interest in him emotionally made me less interested in him physically. Thanks for your comment, Lisa!

      • Reply May 5, 2012

        Singles Warehouse

        Thats a very good point…

  • Reply May 5, 2012

    Lily

    Most of my relationship where I do have great sex is with guys that are friends with benefits. The sad part is that is all they want to be. But I understand that in a relationship there should be chemistry in all aspects of the relationship. For me most of the nice guys I have dated it is not the chemistry out side the bedroom it is about the chemistry in the bedroom that is lacking.. LOL!!!

  • Reply May 5, 2012

    singledatingdiva

    A relationship should have great sex, but more importantly should be based on love, respect and friendship. I commend you for trying, at least you gave it a shot and didn’t want to lead him on. Good on you for realizing you weren’t on the same page and doing something about it. Too bad you lost the great sex … oh well, on to the next!

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