MONOGAMOUS-MINDED BUT LOVE-INTEREST WANTS OPEN RELATIONSHIP by @DatingAdviceGrl

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Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce

It’s 2012 and OH MY how times have changed…. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, people are remaining single way later in life, and singles are consciously choosing non-traditional dating lifestyles. But what does it mean exactly to choose a non-traditional dating lifestyle? Well, one non-traditional relationship choice is to participate in an open relationship. Here’s a question I recently got from a single girl whose new love-interest is introducing her to the idea….

Dear Dating Advice Girl,

I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks. We’re really hitting it off, but I’m a bit concerned because he keeps bringing up the fact that he’s really against marriage and likes the idea of open relationships. I’ve never been in one before and not sure I want to…should I tell him I’m totally not into it and stop dating him, or should I give it a try?

What do you do when you meet someone that you like, but there is an aspect of his or her lifestyle that you aren’t sure that you are ready to accept? It’s always good to stay open-minded when getting to know someone new as long as it doesn’t go against our fundamental wants, needs, and desires. If being in an open relationship goes against your fundamental wants, needs, and desires….then an open relationship might not be the best choice for you. However, if it does not conflict, you want to satisfy your curiosity, and you’ve met someone who you’d be willing to give it a try with…give it a go. You’ll never really know if you’re into it or not until you try it!

Communication is the key

Communication is the key here. Make sure to have a conversation with your love-interest before you agree to be a part of this non-traditional relationship style. Because by definition there will be other people who enter into the picture, here are some things that you may want to discuss…

1. Would you be the primary partner in the relationship?
2. Are there any things that would be off-limits with other partners?
3. How would your love-interest feel about you dating other people as well?

The fact that your love-interest told you about his preference of being in open relationships early on is actually a good thing. It’s better that he tell you in the beginning of your relationship rather than tell you later on when you’re really invested. At least you know what you’re potentially getting into.

Since you are accustomed to monogamous relationships, an open relationship will be a whole new experience for you. Open relationships work best with partners that are able to communicate openly and take your concerns seriously. Having said that, only do what you feel comfortable with and don’t agree to be in an open relationship if you’re not into it. This relationship style is not for everyone, so be true to yourself when deciding what to do. New relationships should be fun, exciting, and mutually rewarding. If this is not the case, it’s not the right person, not the right time, or not the right relationship style for you. Good luck!

Hugs and love,
The Dating Advice Girl

ERIN

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The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a dating expert, social life consultant, author, speaker and radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Over the past 6 years she has helped singles successfully navigate through the early stages of dating through her book, The Dating Guidebook (www.TheDatingGuidebook.com), over 100 dating-related articles for various lifestyle and dating sites, radio and TV segments and through her weekly radio show, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show on 99.3 KCLA FM (voted one of the Top 10 Best Dating Podcasts on the Web in 2013)! She has hosted singles events in and around Los Angeles, has participated in dating and self-help workshops and seminars, has gotten and given dating tips to celebs on at events and on red carpets and has collaborated with several television studios, production companies, and radio stations including WGN 720 AM in Chicago, 700 WLW in Cincinnati, and KHOW 630 AM in Denver. Find me on the WEB, FACEBOOK and TWITTER.

7 Comments

  • May 10, 2012

    singledatingdiva

    The “open relationship” concept I struggle with a little because how can you build a relationship with each other while you are partaking in “extra-curricular” activities? I believe that anything goes as long as both people are in agreement and the ground rules are set. Just make sure it’s what BOTH people want, not just one sided.

    • May 10, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      Hi SingleDatingDiva! YOU we’re our 1000th comment. And this is the Comment!

  • May 10, 2012

    Annabelle Knight

    I agree with Single Dating Diva… or Diva as I’m going to call you from now on… I toyed with SDD and a few others but I think Diva has a certain ring to it :)
    Even people who genuinely believe they can handle the pressure of an open relationship might be able to for some time but eventually one partner will want more commitment… it’s just human nature. Eventually one party will form more of an attachment emotionally, physically, mentally or all three. They’ll get jealous when their partner explores a connection with someone else and won’t enjoy feeling like they’re second best. x

    • May 10, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      I love the new name! Diva! Oh Dear God!

  • May 16, 2012

    Erin Tillman

    Thanks for all the comments everyone! Great insights! I love that the 100th comment ended up on my post! Yay!! :)

    • May 16, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      It wasn’t the 100th – it was the 1000th!

  • May 17, 2012

    Erin Tillman

    Ha! Even better!! :)