It can be intimidating to approach and ask someone new out on a date. There’s the fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid, fear of not having anything to say…..But wait, before you totally freak out, let me suggest that with practice and the right communication tools, you too can blast past your nervousness when approaching potential love-interests. This week’s entry comes from a guy who is trying to overcome his fear of asking women out….
Dear Dating Advice Girl,
I’m a really shy person and I’m wondering how you would suggest approaching women. When I talk to women I usually say “How’s it going” but then after that I don’t know what to talk about and my mind goes blank. Can you help me get the conversation flowing?
Everyone gets nervous when meeting someone new, the trick is to practice ‘small talk’ so that you get used to the natural nervousness that happens when starting a conversation with new people. It can be hard to think of things to say, especially when we meet someone that we find really attractive, but shyness can be overcome with practice. Start with these tips:
1. Simply approach people everywhere that you go, even if you don’t necessarily find them attractive and just start talking about everyday things. The objective is to get comfortable talking to people. For example, if you’re at a coffee shop, ask someone what his or her favorite coffee drink is. If you’re at a mall, ask someone where the nearest Starbucks is. You can use this in any situation. Once you are comfortable talking to anyone about anything at random, it takes a lot of pressure off of the situation and makes you more comfortable with those who you are attracted to.
2. Make sure you know what is going on in the world. There are so many interesting things happening right now, from the upcoming presidential election, to who’s still in the competition on American Idol. It’s all about having a lot of info at your fingertips.
3. Always, take a hint…if the person you’re trying to talk to is in a hurry, says he or she has to go, or is clearly not interested in chatting with you…let them go and find someone else that may be more willing to have a conversation. Remember, there will always be people who won’t take the time or have the interest in chatting with a stranger. Don’t take this personally. Just let those people go and focus on the people that are interested in what you have to say and who want to get to know you.
This all takes practice, but if you start with small casual conversations with both men and women, you’ll get more comfortable talking to new people. And once you are comfortable talking to people in general, it will be way easier to talk to those who you are interested in romantically. Practice talking to people in everyday situations and your conversations will get easier with everyone including potential love-interests. Practice makes perfect… Now get out there and start practicing!
‘The Dating Advice Girl’