Self Defense and Foreplay
y husband helps teach a woman’s self-defense class and he shared how the students in the class would 
freeze when he touched them to show a technique. He went on to explain that the ladies were so distracted by his close proximity and touch that they hesitated to use their defense moves. I could see that he was at a genuine loss as to why these women reacted as though he were an actual attacker about to cause them physical harm. He wondered if it was his behavior or their perception of him that caused this reaction. Knowing the man my husband is and his motivation for helping empower women not to be victims, I could tell that he really didn’t understand what was really going on. I smiled at him and said, “Babe, the women need foreplay.” The look on his face after dolling my simple advice was priceless! I went onto explain that I wasn’t intending sexual foreplay but verbal reassurance that they are safe. The women in his class need to be put at ease so that they can concentrate on what was being taught and their actions, rather than on his preconceived motivations. I demoed a little speech he could give to his group allowing him to explain his intent for being there and why the touching is necessary. With a little wink I closed our conversation by telling him, “With women, a little foreplay goes a long way!“
Woman require foreplay
No wonder the sexes are so confused; the equipment would appear mismatched!
The fascinating realization was that my husband, like most men, really doesn’t grasp the reason women need foreplay. Not want foreplay but require foreplay. As I see it, men aren’t clueless to the fact that women call for little somethin’ somethin’ to get the juices flowing; they just don’t understand why foreplay is so important. When it comes to sexual readiness men are like light switches and women are like ovens! Men have an easily flipped on/off switch; a simple flick and its game on ;however, women have a thermostat that must be set and requires time to get hot. No wonder the sexes are so confused; the equipment would appear mismatched!
OK, fellas listen up…this is for you!
No, women don’t impose foreplay upon you as a form of ambiguous punishment. There are three very good reasons we need foreplay and yearn for it to be on your sexual check-list:
1) An Emotional Reaction: Gain trust: Break the ‘touch barrier’
2) A Mental Reaction: Focus the mind to relax the body
3) A Physical Reaction: Turn on the heat
Lucky for you gaining trust and breaking the touch barrier is a part of foreplay that’s reserved for your first or second appearance; the bummer it’s also the most important! If your premier bombs, there may be no opportunity for a second show. You may be a nice and charming guy but so was Ted Bundy. Women are very aware of their physical vulnerability and are programmed with instinctual defenses; being cautious of physical touch is our first line of defense. This goes for all women; not just women who have experienced physical or sexual abuse {oh, and by the way, most women have experienced some form of sexual assault in their life…we’re not just all paranoid}. Until trust and intent are known; women can appear to be cold fish. Well, we’re not; we just haven’t figured you out yet! Seriously, breaking the touch barrier is not that hard, just ease into it. Here’s a little hint: If you haven’t had a chance to sit close to me or touch my arm, hold off on sticking your tongue down my throat. It can be that simple.
Multi-tasking Foreplay
When it comes to multi-tasking, the female brain is a serious overachiever!
When it comes to multi-tasking, the female brain is a serious overachiever! When a woman says she’s focused, it means she’s thinking about 5 key things rather than the 10 or 20 she usually juggles. It’s just the way a woman’s brain operates. With all that’s swirling in her head, sex may be the last thing on her mind. After all, who’s got time for sex with all the things that need to be done? Mental distraction is the number one reason for women’s inability to reach orgasm. Hint: If you focus her mind, it will relax her body. You can begin by observing her in the moment. Is it a good time for her? If, yes, get her in the mood by mentally preparing her; compliments, suggestive comments and innuendos. She can then shut down all the running programs and shift her focus to more important things; sex with you. Without the mind leading the way, her body will be left in a dispassionate state. That’s no place for the body to be during sex. Guys listen up, the mind is the most powerful sex organ, don’t waste it. You get good at tickling her mind and that may be all the foreplay she needs!
Finally, we’re at the good part of foreplay…tongue, lips, and fingertips! Touching, kissing, caressing, fondling, sucking, and nibbling can warm a woman to the boiling point. However, it’s not always the how but the where. Play, tease and explore your woman. Discover your hidden talents and unlock her hidden erogenous zones. Make sex about having fun and the thrill of watching her temperature rise. Foreplay can quickly become the main-play for both of you when pleasure is your focus not just penetration. And don’t allow foreplay to fade to brief cameo appearances after you’ve been together awhile.
Ladies, now it’s your turn to step up!
Do not expect your man to read your mind and decode your body language {i.e. don’t make your libido a freakin’ Menza puzzle for him to solve}. He’ll get frusturated and frankly you’re wasting a lot of time when you could be enjoying yourself. Help the guy out! Tell him how to turn on your oven, how long it takes to get hot, and reciprocate! Men may be easier to turn on but that doesn’t mean they won’t get pleasure from some extra attention; especially when considering men often dodge lengthy pre-coital activities for fear their flag will lower to half mast. Help make foreplay a mutually gratifying experience by keeping his switch on. Pleasure is much more fun when shared!
Now go play!
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