COMPROMISING WITH A CLINGY LOVE-INTEREST by @DatingAdviceGrl

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Most singles want their love-interest to be head-over-heels in love with them from Day 1….but what happens when your love-interest wants to spend every waking moment with you? You don’t want to be unappreciative of their affection, but you’re also finding a growing desire to tell him or her that you need some ‘you’ time. This can be an awkward situation as one single girl recently wrote to me…

Dear Dating Advice Girl,

How often should a girl see her boyfriend during the week? I’ve only been dating my ‘boyfriend’ for 3 months but we’ve already gone to Hawaii and done trips together. Now that we’re back in the ‘real’ world with work, me time, etc, he’s not happy with only seeing me 3 times a week. I think that’s plenty because otherwise it’s all about him instead of me focusing on work and other things. What do you think?

All singles struggle with this at some point in a relationship, whether you’re the one that wants more time with a your love-interest or it’s your love-interest wants more time with you. No matter what part you play in this scenario, the solution is compromise and understanding of your love-interest’s schedule, prior commitments, and overall lifestyle.

What seems like a lot of time spent together for one person might only seem like a minimum effort to another. Especially in early relationships, it’s important to have an open dialogue about your expectations, wants, and needs in a relationship. If your love-interest wants to spend 4 days/nights a week with you, but you only want to hang out on the weekends, it’s best to talk about your preference before you get into a fixed pattern. Reassure him or her that it doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them because you can’t hang as much as they can, but that you’d rather spend quality time over fewer days than non-focused time over several days.

What if your work schedule won’t allow for consecutive sleepovers and hang sessions? Maybe you’re building your very first company or writing your first book. If your work is a factor, make sure to let your love-interest know up-front what they’re in for, so he or she won’t be blindsided when they find out that you work a job that sometimes calls for you to work crazy hours or meet strict deadlines. These endeavors take time, and sometimes love-interests who aren’t on the same page might not understand the time involved in these pursuits. Explain the importance of your career to your love-interest and what is necessary for you to complete your project. A love-interest that truly cares about you will understand, encourage, and support your dreams and anyone that comes into your life should respect what it takes to make these dreams come to fruition.

If things are starting to get serious with a love-interest, do your best to reach some middle ground in terms of frequency of dates. Instead of just hanging out on weekends, maybe throw a mid-week dinner into the mix so that everybody’s happy. Only compromise to a level that you feel won’t take away from other areas in your life. If he or she doesn’t appreciate your effort or still demands more of your time, it might be time to have a serious talk or think about slowing things down a bit. Anyone who doesn’t respect your wishes, especially in the early months, will have an even harder time dealing with bigger issues as your relationship gets more serious.

There is no set amount of days per week that couples should hang together…it’s whatever works for you and your love-interest. Bottom line…make sure you’re both willing to be flexible with your schedules, but also respect each others work, prior commitments, and need for quality time with friends and family. Balance, compromise, and respect are the keys to success on this one!

Hugs and love,
The Dating Advice Girl

ERIN

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The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman, is a dating expert, social life consultant, author, speaker and radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Over the past 6 years she has helped singles successfully navigate through the early stages of dating through her book, The Dating Guidebook (www.TheDatingGuidebook.com), over 100 dating-related articles for various lifestyle and dating sites, radio and TV segments and through her weekly radio show, The Dating Advice Girl Radio Show on 99.3 KCLA FM (voted one of the Top 10 Best Dating Podcasts on the Web in 2013)! She has hosted singles events in and around Los Angeles, has participated in dating and self-help workshops and seminars, has gotten and given dating tips to celebs on at events and on red carpets and has collaborated with several television studios, production companies, and radio stations including WGN 720 AM in Chicago, 700 WLW in Cincinnati, and KHOW 630 AM in Denver. Find me on the WEB, FACEBOOK and TWITTER.

6 Comments

  • May 2, 2012

    Lawrence

    It is possible that in this case they are at different stages in the relationship. It may even be that the guy is ready to move in together and she is just not ready yet.

    I personally would like it not to be every day so as to give one another a chance to miss.

    • May 2, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      I was very different in my last relationship, and looking back at it we spent not enough time apart

  • May 2, 2012

    singledatingdiva

    Time apart is oh so important. You need to be able to miss each other. To me each person in the relationship needs to have activities and friends outside. Relationships don’t work otherwise, especially if one person is more needy and the other needs space.

  • May 5, 2012

    Marrie

    Fantastic advice Erin! It’s so important to not lose yourself in a relationship and time apart is necessary in order to maintain your identity and independence. The tricky part is finding a balance that works for both of you. Exploring where that balance is in your current relationship, that will meet both of your needs, will more than likely show how compatible the two of you are.

    • May 5, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      Balance? That dirty word – all my way I tell you! OK I’m only joking.

  • May 16, 2012

    Erin Tillman

    Haha! Looks like we all are in favor of ‘alone time’…Thanks for all the comments everybody!! :)