Most singles want their love-interest to be head-over-heels in love with them from Day 1….but what happens when your love-interest wants to spend every waking moment with you? You don’t want to be unappreciative of their affection, but you’re also finding a growing desire to tell him or her that you need some ‘you’ time. This can be an awkward situation as one single girl recently wrote to me…
How often should a girl see her boyfriend during the week? I’ve only been dating my ‘boyfriend’ for 3 months but we’ve already gone to Hawaii and done trips together. Now that we’re back in the ‘real’ world with work, me time, etc, he’s not happy with only seeing me 3 times a week. I think that’s plenty because otherwise it’s all about him instead of me focusing on work and other things. What do you think?
All singles struggle with this at some point in a relationship, whether you’re the one that wants more time with a your love-interest or it’s your love-interest wants more time with you. No matter what part you play in this scenario, the solution is compromise and understanding of your love-interest’s schedule, prior commitments, and overall lifestyle.
What seems like a lot of time spent together for one person might only seem like a minimum effort to another. Especially in early relationships, it’s important to have an open dialogue about your expectations, wants, and needs in a relationship. If your love-interest wants to spend 4 days/nights a week with you, but you only want to hang out on the weekends, it’s best to talk about your preference before you get into a fixed pattern. Reassure him or her that it doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them because you can’t hang as much as they can, but that you’d rather spend quality time over fewer days than non-focused time over several days.
What if your work schedule won’t allow for consecutive sleepovers and hang sessions? Maybe you’re building your very first company or writing your first book. If your work is a factor, make sure to let your love-interest know up-front what they’re in for, so he or she won’t be blindsided when they find out that you work a job that sometimes calls for you to work crazy hours or meet strict deadlines. These endeavors take time, and sometimes love-interests who aren’t on the same page might not understand the time involved in these pursuits. Explain the importance of your career to your love-interest and what is necessary for you to complete your project. A love-interest that truly cares about you will understand, encourage, and support your dreams and anyone that comes into your life should respect what it takes to make these dreams come to fruition.
If things are starting to get serious with a love-interest, do your best to reach some middle ground in terms of frequency of dates. Instead of just hanging out on weekends, maybe throw a mid-week dinner into the mix so that everybody’s happy. Only compromise to a level that you feel won’t take away from other areas in your life. If he or she doesn’t appreciate your effort or still demands more of your time, it might be time to have a serious talk or think about slowing things down a bit. Anyone who doesn’t respect your wishes, especially in the early months, will have an even harder time dealing with bigger issues as your relationship gets more serious.
There is no set amount of days per week that couples should hang together…it’s whatever works for you and your love-interest. Bottom line…make sure you’re both willing to be flexible with your schedules, but also respect each others work, prior commitments, and need for quality time with friends and family. Balance, compromise, and respect are the keys to success on this one!
Hugs and love,
The Dating Advice Girl