Sex On The First Date? by @DirtyInPublic

sex on a first date
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Dinner’s over and you were both so engrossed in conversation that you missed the last show; neither of you care. As the server clears the empty glasses you realize that you are at an important crossroads; part ways or invite your date to your place. He’s hot and you’re willing. What to do?

Everything you read from columnists and dating experts have preached that sex on the first date is a bad idea and I agree with them…sort of.

Sex on the first date isn’t necessarily a relationship killer

Let me give it to you straight, sex on the first date isn’t necessarily a relationship killer; however, it is not a relationship maker! Whether you do the hokey pokey on the first date or not, there’s no guarantee that a great first date will turn into a second or evolve into a relationship. But the fact remains that first date sex can breed false expectations and misconceptions. For example; you may have had 20 dates in the last month, none of which ended past 1st base, but if you go the distance with him tonight, his impression may be that it was all part of your standard dating protocol. How do you know it’s not a part of his?  How is either of you to know?  In truth, neither of you know because you don’t know each other! There’s nothing wrong with no strings sex but if you’re going through the trouble of paying for an on-line dating service and screening potential dates…odds are a one-nighter is not what you are looking for. A walk down the aisle may not be in your immediate future but I’ll bet my vibrator, that you are looking for an emotional connection. If that’s the case, wait to slide into home plate until you learn more about your teammate.

“But, Marrie, we had a genuine connection. I feel I’ve known him my whole life. What if I talk to him and just ask him how he feels?” In theory this open communication sounds reasonable but if a woman asks a man if he wants to have sex…the answer will be a resounding, “YES!”Robin Williams said it best; “Men have a penis and a brain with only enough blood to run one at a time!” Women need to understand that men want to form emotional connections as much as women but their overwhelming sexual desire makes it difficult for them to see the forest through their pants; meaning that while men enter the date with noble intentions, they can get easily distracted by a primal urge! That would be fantastic if men were like women and formed emotional connections after sex; unfortunately for women, the opposite is true. Women give sex to receive love, men give love to receive sex. Studies suggest that men don’t correlate sex to intimacy unless they have developed feelings for their partner first.

He’s hot, you’re willing. What to do?

Now, let’s get back to the crossroads of the evening. He’s hot, you’re willing. What to do? If the moment is so intense that the only conceivable outcome is mind-blowing sexual pleasure…then go for it. However, if when you look across the table you see a man you can hold hands with in a comfortable silence, why risk the FWB or casual encounter status. Settle for second or third base and come home to a refreshing cold shower. There’s always the second date!

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Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating,sex & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants! You can read more on her website, Dirty In Public , Follow her on Twitter , Pin her on Pinterest , and Like her on Facebook


  • April 13, 2012


    Great advice. Better to leave something to look forward to for potential future dates…if there will be more. If there’s overwhelming chemistry, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little taste of what may come – make out sessions needn’t be just for teens. 😉

  • April 13, 2012

    La Petite Provocateur

    I had always believed that sex on a first date was a total no-no…until I realized that, with the right person, it doesn’t matter. YOU asking HIM out might bruise the wrong guy. But, if he’s right for you, it won’t matter. Sex on a first date might give the wrong guy the wrong impression. But, if he’s the right guy, it probably doesn’t matter either…. I’ve experienced this first-hand, and can happily say that I met the right guy once, had sex on the first date…and have been pretty fantastically happy since.

    • April 14, 2012

      Seven Dates a Week

      I agree with all of the above, Provocateur!

    • January 17, 2014

      Singles Warehouse

      Yeah we always thought it was a no no also. I guess you just have to be in the right place at the right time

  • April 3, 2013

    Hip Gnosis

    Why would someone think it’s standard protocol? I’ve heard people say that’s what someone might think, but don’t know anyone who has honestly said he or she thinks it’s the case. Really, assuming someone who has sex on the first date does so every time is really no different than assuming that someone kisses, agrees to a second date, or orders a second glass of malbec on every first date. If I were to think that about a girl, it’d rule out that she just might like me much more than she has most or even all other guys who have gone out with her on a first date. I’d rather be optimistic and consider her agreement to our physical intimacy a flattering sign of attraction to me, not a modus operandi for any night out, and I’d hope she’d think the same way!

    Still, this made for a nice read, and I love that you point out that men are just as interested in making the emotional connections as women. Thanks!