Dinner’s over and you were both so engrossed in conversation that you missed the last show; neither of you care. As the server clears the empty glasses you realize that you are at an important crossroads; part ways or invite your date to your place. He’s hot and you’re willing. What to do?
Everything you read from columnists and dating experts have preached that sex on the first date is a bad idea and I agree with them…sort of.
Sex on the first date isn’t necessarily a relationship killer
Let me give it to you straight, sex on the first date isn’t necessarily a relationship killer; however, it is not a relationship maker! Whether you do the hokey pokey on the first date or not, there’s no guarantee that a great first date will turn into a second or evolve into a relationship. But the fact remains that first date sex can breed false expectations and misconceptions. For example; you may have had 20 dates in the last month, none of which ended past 1st base, but if you go the distance with him tonight, his impression may be that it was all part of your standard dating protocol. How do you know it’s not a part of his? How is either of you to know? In truth, neither of you know because you don’t know each other! There’s nothing wrong with no strings sex but if you’re going through the trouble of paying for an on-line dating service and screening potential dates…odds are a one-nighter is not what you are looking for. A walk down the aisle may not be in your immediate future but I’ll bet my vibrator, that you are looking for an emotional connection. If that’s the case, wait to slide into home plate until you learn more about your teammate.
“But, Marrie, we had a genuine connection. I feel I’ve known him my whole life. What if I talk to him and just ask him how he feels?” In theory this open communication sounds reasonable but if a woman asks a man if he wants to have sex…the answer will be a resounding, “YES!”Robin Williams said it best; “Men have a penis and a brain with only enough blood to run one at a time!” Women need to understand that men want to form emotional connections as much as women but their overwhelming sexual desire makes it difficult for them to see the forest through their pants; meaning that while men enter the date with noble intentions, they can get easily distracted by a primal urge! That would be fantastic if men were like women and formed emotional connections after sex; unfortunately for women, the opposite is true. Women give sex to receive love, men give love to receive sex. Studies suggest that men don’t correlate sex to intimacy unless they have developed feelings for their partner first.
He’s hot, you’re willing. What to do?
Now, let’s get back to the crossroads of the evening. He’s hot, you’re willing. What to do? If the moment is so intense that the only conceivable outcome is mind-blowing sexual pleasure…then go for it. However, if when you look across the table you see a man you can hold hands with in a comfortable silence, why risk the FWB or casual encounter status. Settle for second or third base and come home to a refreshing cold shower. There’s always the second date!