I’m The Only Cook In THIS Kitchen…But I Keep LOTS Of Pots On My Stove: The 3 (or more!) Man Dating Plan by @LaProvocateur

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At roughly the midway point in my recent sixty day dating detox, a good friend of mine casually mentioned that I join her weekly Book Club at their upcoming Monday meeting. Evidently, they were beginning a 6 week “dating course” about attracting mature and meaningful relationships, and my friend thought that I would be a great addition to the group…particularly for this little adventure. I mean…obviously.

Dating Support Group

Admittedly, I was hesitant. Something about the concept reminded me of a “dating support group,” and I was in no mental place to be bashing men or bitch about dating. I mean, once I hit the midway point in my dating detox, I was finally in a comfortable and optimistic emotional space, and I wasn’t about to relapse in to old non-productive habits. Still, I trusted this friend’s judgement, and, really, I was incredibly curious. Plus, I had 6 weeks to spare and nothing to lose. So, I was in.

Ever since, this amazing group of six smart, successful, sexy, and single women (yes, I just lumped myself in with their fabulousness…deal with it) has met ever Monday at various wine bars, taco joints, sports bars, and cafes to chat about our progress through the dating program and support one another along our independent but now somehow intersecting journeys through the wacky but wonderfully delicious world of dating. You’ll likely hear more about this group because, well, I’m basically obsessed with them. But, for the moment, all you need to know is that they are simply amazing…and, for whatever reason, they like me enough to let me join them. Don’t question it. 

So, at our second or third “book club meeting,” one of my fellow daters brought along Dr. Ali Binazir, author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide To Being Absolutely Irresistible (read more here). It was a uniquely fantastic opportunity to not only absorb some of this dating professional’s incredible insight, but this also meant that a MAN (::gasp::) would be joining our group for one night. I mean, it doesn’t get much more scandalous and exciting than that!

Ali was not only undeniably charming and insightful, but he was also a great sport. And, he absolutely gave us some wonderful and interesting advice. For me, the most interesting bit of advice was what he calls “The Three Man Plan,” which essentially means not putting all of your delicious dating eggs in to one silly little basket. Instead, date a few men at once. Create competition. Keep your options open. Date around, if you will, until one man rises to the top.

Personally, I preferred my friend’s analogy a bit better but, again, I’m absolutely in LOVE with the women in this book club, so it’s nearly impossible for me to stay objective here.

Either way, she explained it as being the singular sexy cook in the kitchen of your dating life. As the lead chef, you get to keep lots (and lots) of pots on your relationship stove. The amount of water that is in each pot is up to the respective partner. How much heat you give each pot is entirely up to you. And, where on the stove each pot falls is also up to your discretion. Oh, and of course, all of these variables are constantly changing. But, until one pot bubbles over with passion and commitment, you should keep as many pots as you want going at the same time.

The reasoning is that, again, you get to keep your options (and heart) open to the many dating opportunities that may arise. It also means that you may feel less pressure put on any particular relationship while it is in the earlier stages, giving it its own time and space to blossom without any expectations.

For me, juggling multiple men has always been a challenge. Last time I did this was in my freshman year of college, and I always felt a little bit guilty about seeing more than just one man at a time. While I never lied about my intentions, and I certainly wasn’t getting it on with every single one of these guys (I mean, maybe two or three of them got me in to bed, but…), there was always a part of me that felt maybe I wasn’t being fair by not putting my whole heart and energy in to just one relationship.

Still, lately, I’ve been reaping the benefits of going in to all of my relationships (romantic or otherwise) without any expectations and letting them blossom (or boil over) at their own pace. And, while it is still a bit uncomfortable for me to think that I could be hurting anyone’s feelings, I recognize that I am absolutely being authentic, present, and honest in all of my engagements. I am still giving each encounter (or pot) the love and attention that it deserves, and I am merely letting the pots on my relationship stove provide me with varying nourishment and enjoyment…until I settle on which pot is best suited for me…and I for them. So, in other words, until I settle in to a relationship, I’ll keep a few “flirtationships” going…and see where the chips fall.

Make sense?


So, for the sake of being totally clear with all of you, dear readers, I wanted to inform you that I, La Petite Provocateur, am happily engaging in The Three Man Plan as we speak. I don’t want to just casually cook forever (or, really, at all…if we are being honest). But, in the meantime, let me introduce you to the active (or recently active) pots in my kitchen:

  • Mr. Music Man: we met online before my dating detox ended and had a casual coffee while I was on my dating detox. He was handsome. And sweet. And tall. We got along well, and I was intrigued, but I sensed just a friendship interest on his part. However, the moment my dating detox was over, he was all up on my Facebook page. And, after a few late-night flirtations, we ended up having cyber sex. Like, old school non-video dirty talk to mutual completion cyber sex. It was strangely hot and an entirely new experience for me. And, I wanted more. So, we had cyber sex again. And I had one of the most satisfying orgasms of my life from it. But, our paths never really cross outside of cyberland and, when they do, they are disastrous (all talk and no game!). So, I guess Mr. Music Man’s pot still exists in my kitchen, but it’s packed away in the pantry. Why? Because I have so many other active pots that his drip drops of contribution just won’t cut it.
  • Mr. Hot Chocolate: in honor of successfully completing my dating detox, I threw myself a sort of “Carly’s Got Her Groove Back” coming out party at my favorite bar. I invited all of my friends. And my friends invited all of their friends. I baked snacks. Brought treats. Booked a space. And I let me love flag wave. Yes, in true La Petite Provocateur fashion, I wore short shorts (blue sailor-inspired ones) and high heels (gorgeous suede sky-high wedges) and I mingled like it was my job. But, I really wasn’t expecting to meet anyone special…until in walked Mr. Hot Chocolate himself. All smiles. All charm. All dimples. And ALL MAN. Still, I wasn’t convinced that a hottie like him would go for a girl like me. I mean, I’m all kinds of hotness, but…. Fast forward to the end of the night. We kissed. He came back to my place. We had incredible sex (twice). And we saw each other three more times that week. I’m definitely invested in him, and I miss him when he’s not around, but I’m unclear about where he is emotionally, and I sense him pulling back a bit (okay, A LOT). So, for as much as it breaks my heart, I’m turning the heat down a few (or more) notches on Mr. Hot Chocolate’s pot.
  • Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie: When Mr. Hot Chocolate flaked on a night out, I decided to stick with the plan and make some memories and bad decisions the other night. So, I grabbed my favorite wing woman, threw on a short dress and my favorite spring time heels and hit up the nearest block o’ bars in San Francisco. Within minutes, I had a stranger reaching down to touch my bare legs on a street corner, another stranger asking to kiss me, and yet another stranger sweetly ask if he could keep my company to ward off all of the creepers that kept hitting on me while I waited for my friend. Somehow, the evening turned it to a number-scoring man-tastic bonanza for my friend and I, and I was left wondering what yum yum secret pheromone sexy hot sauce we had somehow dipped ourselves in because, quite literally, there were men lining up at the bar (and circling like hungry lions) to talk to the two of us. Regardless, this led me to meet Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie, who fought off a friend to score my attention…and a few kisses. There was instant chemistry, the kisses were gold-star worthy, and he seemed genuinely interested in me. Plus, he was assertive and masculine, even pushing me in to the bathroom stall at one moment to steal a steamy makeout session with me. It was hot. He was hot. I was all hot and bothered as a result. But, there is such a strong undercurrent of raw sexuality in our conversations that I have concerns about longevity and sincerity. No worries. This pot is on and cookin’.
  • Mr. French Toast: this is a tricky one. You see, Mr. French Toast and I were introduced through a mutual friend because she insisted that we were soulmates. But, we don’t live in the same city (hour plus flight away) and, when we did meet in person, he instantly explained to me how he was focusing his heart and time on a budding romance back where he lives. So, I’m obviously very firmly placed on Mr. French Toast’s “friendship ladder” of relationships (read about The Ladder Theory here). Still, I see so much genuine potential for greatness there that I’ll continue letting his pot simmer (even if he hasn’t placed any water in it) just to be sure. He is such an incredible individual and our time together was so effortless that I’m just happy to have him in my life at all. But, again, his pot is at the ready…should he ever want to drop some water on in and see if we can get a steady boil going.

So, those are my pots. Yes, there are a few other smaller pots hanging around my kitchen. Some of those pots are filled with water but I just haven’t given them any heat yet. Others have some water, and they used to have some heat, but I’ve merely placed them off to the side for one reason or another. And, there are still another few pots that I’m really not sure about where they stand. They may have water. They may not. I’m just too scared and or unimpressed to even peek inside at the moment. And, oddly enough, the opportunities for additional pots always seems to find their way to me.

What’s a (girl) chef to do in this situation? Keep them pots a’ cookin’ and keep an eye on which ones are coming to a boil…and which ones should just be thrown out the window. Because, until there’s reason to stick to just one pot and savor its sweet sweet contents, this crazy little dance around my kitchen certainly does keep me entertained and on my toes.

…and I wouldn’t have it any other way….


La Petite Provocateur


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True Tales of Love, Lust, and Lingerie. Open-minded and brutally honest oversharer with a weakness for sweet smiles, loud laughter, drive, passion, and tattoos. Oh, and a great ass never hurt, either. As a New England native who is now living the California dream, I have a great blend of East Coast and West Coast mentalities. And, while I am (happily) in a committed relationship nowadays, I have plenty of dating and relationship stories and insight to share. Check out my blog to read some oldies but goodies or, better yet, track me down on Twitter Twitter and Facebook to keep up with latest shenanigans. xoxo xoxo La Petite Provocateur


  • April 25, 2012


    It’s impressive you can juggle so many options at once, that’s awesome! It’s great to see a woman playing the game and winning. Here’s to hoping that ‘Mr. Hot Chocolate’ realizes what a good shot he has with a great lady. Can’t wait to read more of your exploits. Happy to live vicariously through your shenanigans 🙂

    • April 26, 2012

      La Petite Provocateur

      Thanks, DateNiki! I’m sincerely hoping that Mr. Hot Chocolate gets his head back in the game (and his smokin’ hot body back in my bed) sooner rather than later. Sadly, I miss him. But, that’s the joy of dating in multiples; it takes some of the pressure off of each engagement and reminds you that you are valuable, desired, and worthy. So many more stories to tell!

  • April 26, 2012

    La Petite Provocateur

    Dearest readers, LOVIN’ all of the tweet love, email comments, and FB blasts about this blog post! I’m also loving how everyone seems to be playing favorites with my pots 😉

    Which has me wondering: WHICH POT ARE YOU MORE ROOTING FOR? Hoping that Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie can make this boiling rumble on long and strong? Crossing your fingers that Mr. French Toast starts putting some water in the pot so I can crank up the heat? Yearning for Mr. Hot Chocolate to realize what he had and start investing more in his pot? Wishing Mr. Music Man grew a pair? Want any more details on any of these lovely pots?

    I’m DYING to hear your thoughts.

    La Petite Provocateur

    • April 26, 2012

      Singles Warehouse

      Maybe we should add a poll

      • April 26, 2012

        La Petite Provocateur

        YES YES YES! How do I add a poll? Been getting so many Tweets and emails and such with readers rooting for their favorites, and I’m DYING to keep track of it!

  • April 26, 2012

    Bellas Dating Woes

    I’m finding it hard to juggle two pots and you have FOUR with a little heat ;)… My goodness you are good! 😀 I’d say turn down Mr French Toast and turn up Mt Dirty Birdie Goody [great name]

    • April 26, 2012

      La Petite Provocateur

      Bella: thanks for the input! Be sure to check back soon as we may add a formal poll to keep track of readers’ favorites! I have a date with Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie tonight. Will absolutely blog about it afterwards and keep you in the loop 😉

  • April 26, 2012


    Hmm, here is my two cents about it.

    Mr. Music Man seems to be all hat no cattle, all wax no wick, all lime and salt no tequila (etc etc)

    Mr. Hot Choclate was just looking for a short term relationship (if you know what I mean, wink wink)

    Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie, now this one seems interesting, I think this is going to be the pot I’m rooting for.

    Mr. French Toast, eh, if his hearts not in it, nothing you can do. Like you say “let the pot simmer.”

    I second living vicariously through your shenanigans :). Good read and good luck!

    • April 26, 2012

      La Petite Provocateur

      Adam: You’re SPOT ON about Mr. Music Man. Like I said, his pot is basically off my stove, but is still kicking around somewhere in my kitchen, as much as I hate to admit it. You may be right about Mr. Hot Chocolate, too, though this “relationship” had a strong connection and lasted steadily for a few weeks. It’s only been a week since we last saw each other, but he definitely pulled away. I’m keeping the heat on a bit, and will see what happens. Mr. French Toast is, at the very least, totally honest and up front about where he is, and has indicated that I should “let his pot simmer” for now. He’s a wonderful guy, pot or no pot. Mr. Dirty Birdie Goodie is in a league all his own. He calls/texts frequently, plans dates, lets me know he’s thinking of me, and is a total sweetheart…until he lets his freak flag wave high and proud. I have a date with him tonight. We’ll see how it plays out! Either way, a few of these “pots” warrant longer blog posts. Ask and you shall receive! Thanks for reading! xoxo

  • April 27, 2012


    None of the above.

    Music man seems to have the most potential but only cybering? sounds like he has his own set of pots boiling and he could be serious with one of them. That, or he’s slow on the start…

    Hot Chocolate. The sex chemistry is what you’re feeling, which clouds judgement.

    Dirty Birdy. Pushy? Stealing moments? Did he do any follow up? I’d certainly question his sincerity.

    French Toast. Seems like the nice guy who finishes last. If you can deal with distance, or move, then see what happens. But, eh. You have to want it, for it to work.

    • April 28, 2012

      La Petite Provocateur

      Music Man certainly has his own set of pots boiling, and i doubt i’m even in his kitchen, if we’re being honest. Perhaps I just give good cyber 😉 Can there be something below the sexual chemistry with Hot Chocolate? I think so, considering we saw each other frequently for a few weeks and had plenty of encounters w/o sex. We shall see…. You hit Dirty Birdie’s nail on the head. Tune in to my post in a few days to see how and why his pot boiled over. Pushy pushy. French Toast is definitely a nice guy, but he may not finish last. Only time will tell with this one. Thanks for chiming in JaneBlow. So very much appreciated! xoxo La Petite Provocateur

  • April 30, 2012

    Something She Dated

    I clearly have to get this book (and start gifting it to my single friends as presents asap) as I keep trying to tell them to spread it around a bit and not get all hysterical within mere moments (minor exaggeration) of meeting someone and clicking. Also, I voted for Mr. Hot Chocolate. I’ll be keeping tabs 😉

    • April 30, 2012

      La Petite Provocateur

      You MUST get Dr. Binazir’s book. GREAT read by a GREAT (and very smart!) man. This little bit of advice is easily one of the best that I’ve ever received…and it has made all the difference in my dating life. Thanks for voting/reading/commenting. And, definitely keep tuning in 😉 xoxo La Petite Provocateur